Forgotten Identity
by HaibaraDaiFan
Summary: In the twisted and crazy world of Detective Conan, people have many secrets and often, multiple identities. It would be a terrible thing to forget how to guard these secrets, but even worse to forget who you are. Haibara Ai? Miyano Shiho? Sherry? Who?
1. Nothing Like Coffee

Author's Note: So.. for those of you who have followed me way back when, this is a story from when I first wiped my account. I found some old fanfics on my laptop that we were clearing off and I figured I'd upload them again for those of you bored enough with your life to read my stories. This one is actually my personal favorite, especially from my earlier collection of writing. I think I got the ideas down best here, despite some discrepancies I noticed while re-reading. These chapters will be the original files, probably not really altered at all. Review if you want, I'd like to hear your thoughts as they come to my e-mail. I doubt I'll actually be writing anything new, but just enjoy something from me when I was younger and much more amusing. ;) (The random notes on the bottom will be left for amusement's sake.)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DETECTIVE CONAN!

Chapter 1 – Nothing Like Coffee

_A loud sound woke me, and I opened my eyes half way, knowing that I must stop the loud sound. It was bothersome, it was annoying, it hurt to listen to it. Must. Shut. It. Up. I reached over and smacked the device, causing it to cease its redundant beeping. I sat up, stepping into a pair of slippers that were on the floor. I felt the need to grab something to drink, my mind groggy and my throat a bit dry. "Coffee" is what came to my mind, and I shuffled over to a door. _

_I walked out of the door, my still-sleeping mind deciding that up the stairs was the way to go. There I saw the thing my mind said I needed, a cup of coffee, just sitting there, steam rising from it. I felt a smile pull at my features, but something demanded that I not, so I just went over to the cup. I was transfixed on that cup, with the steam dancing above it, and I grabbed the handle. I put my lips to the cup, drinking in burning hot liquid. _

"…A…i-kun?"

_I put the cup down and looked over. I blinked a few times. And here was when I realized something. I didn't know who had spoken. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know why I was here. I didn't know… who I was. What was my objective? Questions raced through my mind as I stared at the old man sitting there. He kept looking at me as if he expected a reply. So I assumed I must be Ai-kun. Some voice told me not to confide in people, to simply agree that I was indeed Ai-kun._

"Sorry… was that yours?" _The old man nodded slowly, looking at me incredulously._ "Oh… ahaha… I'm just so sleepy I didn't notice…" _I shrugged and walked back the way I came, looking for the shower. Surely I would need to be taking one, that's what the voice told me. After a few minutes, I located the bathroom and took a shower. I was busy putting clothes on when I heard a knock on the door._

"Ai-kun… I… just wanted to let you know that if you don't hurry, you'll be late to school. Do you have everything ready?"_ Something told me to not be a bother, so I said that I did. _

"Y-Yeah… thanks for telling me." _I had a feeling the man wanted to say more, so I waited. I was right._

"Ai-kun… are you feeling alright today?" _Was I seeming less cheerful than normal? Now two opposing forces caught me. One said to just sound bored, the other was on the side of logic for a child like me, and told me to be more cheerful._

"Yeah, I'm fine, grandpa!" _There was an awkward feeling as silence hung around me. I must have been wrong in my assumption that he was my grandfather. Then just who was he? Wasn't he a little old to be my dad? I began laughing. _"Hahaha got you!"_ Some part of me shuddered at my own attitude and voice, making me wonder if I should've listened to the voice that told me to sound bored. He forced some sort of chuckle on the other side of the door, and I heard his footsteps retreat. I finished getting ready and raced out the door, grabbing a bag I figured was mine, since it looked like an elementary backpack._

_I stopped, suddenly realizing that even if I did leave for school, I had no idea where it was. I looked both ways, and hoped that the way I went would at least lead me into town. I walked for maybe ten minutes before I ran into another child, who looked like a student._

"Haibara… aren't you a bit late today? And why are you coming from that direction?"_ Who? Wasn't I Ai-kun? I took a step back._

"Can… I walk with you today?" _The boy gave me a weird look, but he shrugged, and I walked next to him. His face held a serious expression. I stayed silent, I didn't even know his name. In fact… I still wasn't sure about my own name. Two other children joined up with us; a girl and a tall thin boy. They were talking on and on about something that was supposed to happen in class today. I had no idea what exactly it was about, but I listened intently for their names and the way they addressed each other._

"Haibara-san, did you finish your homework?" _I turned, reacting to the name I had been called by earlier. Before I could think of a response, the girl protectively intervened. _

"Of course Ai-chan did! She's really smart, just like Conan-kun!" _I noticed the tall boy glare at the short one with the strange wristwatch. I guessed that must be "Conan-kun." I half-smiled, not agreeing or disagreeing. I only hoped that I had done my homework, and that it was in the backpack I was carrying. If I still didn't have my memory by the time I went to school, I'd rather not deal with the teacher's anger._

"Haibara-san, not that it's a bad thing, but why are you walking with us today? Doesn't it take longer to go this way?" _The speaker was the tall kid, his face showing his confusion. I decided to shrug as an answer. I found out earlier how much talking could put me in awkward situations._ _Unfortunately, the shrug didn't satisfy the tall boy, but he thankfully stayed silent, although his expression was still the same. We reached the gates of an elementary school, along with many other children. One of which ran towards us._

"Morning!" _I watched as a rather chunky boy came closer, rice from breakfast still sticking on his mouth. I also noticed the short boy "Conan-kun" cringe. The little girl was the first to greet back._

"Moh, Genta-kun! You have rice on your mouth still!" _The chunky boy wiped his mouth with his hand and ate the rice. A big grin spread across his face. _

"Thanks, Ayumi!" _I sighed inwardly. I guessed that this was a typical pig-out kid, who happens to go by the name of "Genta-kun." I followed the short boy when he decided to make his way to class instead of listening to the early morning antics. I then noticed him watching me out of the corner of his eye. _

"Something wrong?" _Again, I smiled. He on the other hand, frowned._

"Haibara… did something unusually good happen this morning? You're over-cheery…" _So I was a strange child… who didn't like to smile? I returned with blank look, not sure to laugh or to glare._

"Not particularly…"_ I didn't want to go into detail, which seemed to be my nature, because the boy just gave me another weird look and shrugged it off. I followed him inside the classroom, and suddenly froze. I didn't know where to sit. I took a chance and sat by the short boy, since he seemed like a good person to follow. He didn't say anything, so I supposed that it wasn't anyone else's seat. While I waited for class to start, I began to ponder things._

_My name is Haibara Ai. I'm an elementary student. I live with an old man, but he's not my grandpa, and he seems too old to be my dad. Butler? Usually butlers are thin and tall though… housekeeper? Usually a woman though… I'll find that part out later. I have no idea who my parents are or where they are. I seem to be a very bland child, who takes no interest in things, and I don't normally smile or laugh. Perhaps my parents being gone has made me a pitiful child who keeps the fear of being happy deep inside her. The worst part is, I don't even know if that is true. Even though I am her, I don't remember anything. _

** So this chapter is short… and I made a deal with someone which forced me to put this online. Please tell me if you are interested in another chapter, if not I don't see a reason to really continue if no one is interested. So please review and tell me what you think! **


	2. All the Rooms

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan

Chapter 2 – All the Rooms

_I sat through class, following directions along with everyone, but I couldn't silence the voice that insisted all of this was entirely useless. True, coloring a paper to hang on the wall didn't exactly seem very helpful to my academic future, but what if I wanted to be an artist some day? The voice mocked my attempts to make coloring papers worthwhile. Every bit of knowledge of what a child should do seemed to be my basis, but the voice kept whispering… **that's not who you are. That's not what you are. You don't belong here. You shouldn't be wasting time here. Run, get away from this. This is not your place.**_

_I shook my head, trying to ignore the insistent voice inside of me. I began to wonder if it was normal for people to have an opposing voice other than their mental thoughts or conscious. Was all of this a dream? A long dream… A long, disturbing dream. _

_I then looked down at my neatly colored and shaded paper (I had used my best skill on coloring to prove the voice wrong) and suddenly an image formed itself. The colors pulled from the shadows and the corners, twisting and turning to create cold, chilling eyes. Silver that I don't remember using found its way to my paper, falling around the icy eyes. A deadly grin set itself on the face, my mind recognizing this as a person. The face sent chills down my spine and I could taste the fear in my mouth._

"_**Sherry… come back to me. This is where you belong. Sherry… Sherry… I'm waiting for you. You can use your potential with me, Sherry. We can be together again…"** A hand covered the image of the man, and my eyes traveled from the person's hand, to their arm, to their face. It was the short boy._

"I didn't know you could color like this, Haibara." _He looked interested and pulled the paper from the desk and into his grasp for a closer look. His eyes moved over it, a slight glimmer of admiration for the coloring skill appearing in his eyes. The paper, being held up as it was, caught the attention of Ayumi-chan and Tsubaraya-kun (I found out the way I usually address them through earlier correction) who then leaned over and loudly praised the art. _

"Ai-chan, this is beautiful!" _Ayumi-chan said. Her eyes were sparkling. I blushed a little for getting so much attention over a simple elementary color page. Many praises for it echoed across the room, as it caught attention from many children. The teacher had to quiet down the class, then collected my paper since it was finished._

"Good job, Ai-chan." _She said, giving me a smile and returning to the front of the class to watch for any other finished masterpieces. I then turned to "Conan-kun" (I hadn't tried calling his name today yet) whose coloring was in the lines, but plain. What did I expect from a kid, anyway? Was I gifted with art? My mental questioning stopped when the short boy turned and gave me a very disturbing and wall-breaking gaze. _

"Is that how a child draws? And here I thought you had finally taken the initiative and started acting better." _His words didn't make sense to me, but that was fine. I could tell in his crystal blue eyes that he was searching for something. An answer… from me. I found myself gazing at those eyes. There seemed something off with them. Something different, something that didn't fit quite right. Most children, especially the ones I had met today, had a brightness in them, but these eyes, they were bright alright, but they had such a depth to them. _

_As if the world's secrets could be found immediately by those searching orbs, no matter how long it took, this boy would get it. He seemed so mature, and though maybe a bit bored, he seemed inspired by something. Something was driving him, his very eyes told some fairytale to me. I blushed once again when I realized I had been staring into his eyes for much too long, and his searching gaze was interrupted with annoyance._

"What?"_ I jumped a little, his voice was sharper than I expected. I turned away, leaving his question unanswered. I then pretended like the pencil was surely the most interesting object in planet earth and stared at it. _

_I stretched when the last bell rang. It was exhausting pretending that I knew what I was doing, who I was, and who everyone else was. I sighed, wishing that my memory would just return already and without incident. Then I could just say that I hadn't had enough sleep last night, and everything would return back to normal. I wonder now, what is normal for me? I packed up my backpack and followed Conan-kun again, relying on him as some sort of leader, just as the other children seemed to do. After changing out my shoes, I had to catch up to him._

"I have to get home early today, Ran has some sort of event she wants me and occhan to go to." _I stopped, suddenly feeling lost and scared. That meant he was leaving. That meant I'd have to find my way back home on my own. That meant I'd have to be in that big house with no idea as to who the man there was. That meant the one person I relied on to help me would be abandoning me. My lips quivered. I wanted to tell the boy to stop, to walk me home at least. To convince him to tell me who the man in the house was, to tell me about my past. The voice hissed at me, told me no. I couldn't request that of him. He needed to go to 'Ran'. I stood alone, frozen in fear, unable to step forward. My hand shook as it moved an inch, as if to stop him. But he was already past the gates, moving quickly on his way home. _

_At this point I felt like I was going to have a meltdown. I had no way of getting home. I had been abandoned without a care. Tears dared to attempt to make their way to my eyes, but the voice scared the tears away. I can't cry. I'll just have to find my own way home. Somehow._

_Suddenly the other kids who call themselves the "Detective Boys" ran up behind me. _

"Let's go to hakase's!" _Genta had been the one yelling, and he grinned at me. Ayumi-chan smiled as well._

"Is today a good day to stop by, Ai-chan?" _I stared at her. Why is she asking me if it's a good day to visit a professor? I felt all three pairs of eyes staring at me. They wanted me to answer. They were expecting me to know. I didn't understand what they were talking about. What professor would talk to children? Was any day good to bother such a professional? Their expecting eyes changed to pleading, and some part of me faltered._

"I think it'd be fine…" _Three grins met my words. Ayumi-chan grabbed my hand and started dragging me off with them to wherever the professor was. We made our way into a neighborhood; the kids were obviously used to going this way. I wondered why they would be able to visit a professor so often. Maybe it's just an old person who gives them snacks and appreciates their company. That seemed much more realistic. _

_I suddenly began recognizing the houses on the street, and hope sprung up inside of me. If I recognized this place, perhaps if I stayed in this area, my memory would come completely back. The kids stopped, opening a gate and entering the house without knocking. I then realized why I recognized it. This was the place that I woke up at. I sighed, my hopes had been false. I stopped at the doorway, but the kids rushed ahead, one of them picking up a paper that had been left on the coffee table._

"Aww, looks like we have to go home, Ai-chan…" _Ayumi-chan began putting her shoes back on. Mitsuhiko and Genta began to do the same._

"What do you mean?"_ I assumed this was my house, or at least the place I was staying, since I had woken up here. I didn't move, not sure if I was supposed to leave with them or if I was supposed to stay. Ayumi-chan showed me the note._

"Agasa-hakase won't be back till late! Today we have to get home soon, but we'll talk to you tomorrow at school, okay?" _I nodded. It was strange that all the kids seemed to have the same schedules, but I guess that's how irony works. They all apologized for leaving so suddenly and left. I turned to the empty house and sighed again. Dumping my bag at the coffee table, I did my homework. Simple multiplication, some addition exercises and a kanji worksheet. I finished it quickly and began to investigate the house. _

_I opened every door I came across. Bathroom, bedroom, closet. I came to another bedroom door and opened it, flipping the light on. I walked in, awed slightly by all the gadgets lying around, blueprints for even more of them. Was this what the old man did? I felt like I wasn't welcome to see all of this, and left the room, turning the light back off. I found another room, with a metal door, at the end of a hallway. I opened this door, switched on the light, and found myself amazed once again._

_It was something like a huge science lab. A huge cabinet of chemicals was on one wall, flasks and test tubes in their places. I noticed a computer, still left on, with data running across the screen. A small cot rested in the corner, perhaps as a resting place for whoever worked in this place. Somehow I felt comfortable here. The computer drew my interest. _

_I climbed up into the seat that had been pumped up to its highest height. Perfect for my size. The amount of data on the file was small, but tons of notes on different chemical mixtures crammed together. I minimized the file and moved on through the computer, going through files. Names, places, and numbers were recorded along side certain notes I couldn't quite comprehend. Somehow along the way I found a document. Just what I was looking for. A journal._

_When I tried to open it, however, a window popped up, asking for my fingerprint. My eyes searched for the scanner, which was hidden over by a speaker. I pressed my finger on the pad and grinned when the document unlocked. This was most definitely mine._

_I began to read the entries, one made every day, rarely a day skipped. Most said something about an 'apotoxin antidote'. It seemed as if I ran into some breakthroughs with this. But I began to realize what this was. The way the entries were… the ingredients… the reactions… I, an elementary student, was making a medicine that would make someone's body grow under certain circumstances. _

_I didn't read any more. I couldn't believe this. What WAS I? I suddenly felt disgusted. Right before I closed the document my eyes caught certain words that almost made me throw up._

_After making everything look untouched, I returned to the living room, sat down, and found the remote to turn the television on. I stared at the screen, trying to block out those words. I killed someone._

** So this chapter is short, but honestly I'm planning on having short chapters for this. And I'm amazed at how many people reviewed o.o;; I hope I didn't disappoint…

Elena Forest - ^^; yeah she's out of character a lot, but honestly I think if she had no idea who she was and had to be cautious, and if her mind wasn't constantly tormented with her past and the reality of the world, she might be a bit more like this. Maybe. And aha! This is probably one of my fastest updates XD

Mei-chan – XDDDD well it was your brother I had made the deal with, but he didn't exactly force me to write it. I'm glad I caught your attention XD

Anita-Hailey – Yes ma'am!

Bleh that tasted awful – I have now~ I hope you like this one, and thanks for the encouragement.

Aquagirl520 - ^^ she's so amazing~ Hope you like this chapter, though the events are beginning to get to her.

Hahaha - ^^ thank you, and I will!

Mangaluva – YAY I'm glad I have a plot to interest you~

Uninspired Author - … but you didn't quite forget to review considering you have XDDD and thanks .'' I'm sure you can pull off a great beginning, btw.

Conankim Dogawa – O.O –salutes- I will try!

Haveabreakfast – yay!

HaibaraKawaii – thank you so much ^^ and I shall inform you when I update… -informs you – XD you take care too!~

I'm amazed at how many people responded, I can't get over it! . I'm pretty sure that this is the most I've ever had respond to the same chapter. Thank you all so much for your encouragement, and please let me know what you think of this chapter.**


	3. Of Irony and Boredom

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan

Chapter 3 – Of Irony and Boredom

_I flipped through the channels. The irony of how every channel's show or commercial reminded me of the words I had so quickly read began to irritate me. In a small fit of anger, I pushed the power button and glared at my reflection. _

_I was the most despicable thing that walked the planet earth. And the old man here, he must be a part of this idea too. I slowly began to formulate ideas of what ifs and random things that might help me out in the near future. _

_I didn't want my memory back if it meant all the dead faces coming back to haunt me. Had I run away from it? I began to squirm. I wanted to know why I had lost my memory. The hall began to beckon to me. At the end of the hall, behind the door, and in the computer lied the answer to my question. Surely if I had taken so many confusing and strange genius notes I would've at least left a clue for myself. Right? _

_I pinched my arm, stopping myself from getting up. No, I was NOT going to see how many more lives I've destroyed. I just couldn't. _

_But the answers… at least a clue as to what happened… a way to **fix** things. I moved my foot up and down quickly, as if representing the quick retorts flying to and fro in my mind from either side of the argument. I sighed, wondering just how pathetic I must be. Then I began to get off the couch, ready for one last dose of answers when suddenly the door opened._

"I'm home!" _The old man had returned, a sack in his hand and a smile on his face. He didn't seem like a killer… but I was only a child, how could I be a killer either? I smiled back weakly, suddenly feeling very scared. _

_Was I going to be killed? I almost physically smacked myself for the thought. Why be scared of the old man? He hadn't done anything yet, so if I kept my mouth shut, I'd be just fine. He sat the sack down, and scanned the kitchen, then the dining room, and lastly the living room._

"Ai-kun… didn't you say you were cooking tonight?" _Crap. Obligations I must've made earlier in the week. _

"Oh yeah… I forgot… I'm sorry." _I wasn't sure of what else to say, and cooking suddenly made me panic. I was eight for goodness sake. What was I supposed to cook? The old man's expression seemed worried._

"It's alright, Ai-kun. I'll just get something from the convenience store. Shinichi said he'll be coming over later tonight." _I watched as the man put his coat and shoes back on, casting another worried glance my way. I told him to take care as he left, then began to inspect the sack. I found a small container with three slices of cake inside, and the receipt for it. I slipped the receipt in my pocket, for some reason feeling as though it may help me in the future… if I had the need to get cake. I closed the container and set the bag up just as it had been._

_I then preceded to fight with myself about the necessity of a cake shop receipt. Sighing at my own stupidity, I dropped the receipt back in, jumping a bit as the door swung open once again. I drew my hand back to my side quickly, pretending it hadn't been there at all. _

_Of course it was much too early for the old man to already be back, so I was rather curious to see who had barged in this time. Once the kid looked up from taking off his shoes, I was very sure that it was the short boy, 'Conan-kun' who had abandoned me at the school. Wasn't some Shin… something supposed to come?_

"Oh hey Haibara." _He said, almost ignoring me entirely and looking into the cake box and pulling out a piece with a grin. _"Hakase got my favorite." _I kept myself from glaring at the rude boy as he sat down and shoved half the cake in his mouth. I rolled my eyes and took a seat on one of the barstools by the counter. _

_Somehow it was fascinating watching the boy. I swung my feet back and forth as I saw him eagerly chow down the rest of the cake. He noticed me watching his behavior and he blushed a little from embarrassment and wiped the many crumbs and bits of icing off of his face. _

_I smiled a bit, somehow his actions made me feel warm inside. A feeling, I reminded myself, that I didn't deserve having. My smile received an odd look in return from Conan-kun, who had found me rather suspicious today. I flat-lined the grin on my face and looked in the other direction, which didn't seem to get a very bad response from the kid. _

_He was disturbingly observant, and it made me wonder if he knew who I and the old man were. Were we keeping deep, dark secrets from the neighborhood kids? For some reason that amused me and I chuckled. Conan-kun, who had his hand in the box again, froze and looked over at me._

"What's so funny?" _I raised my eyebrows, then gave him an innocent look. _

"Nothing." _I continued to watch him, however, which happened to get an interesting reaction. He eyed me, then the cake he was planning on eating. The corners of my lips turned up a bit when he began to lift it out of the container._

"Haibara, you didn't put any poison or potion or weird chemical thing in here, did you?" _I blinked. So he knew then? That I messed with stuff like that? I smirked._

"Why would you think that I did such a horrible thing?" _He glared at me as I rested my chin in the palm of my hand, grinning rather amusedly. The short boy then placed the cake all the way down on the plate and began to search it for any unusual substances or punctures. _

"I wouldn't put it past you. Plus I saw your hand in the bag when I came in the door." _I felt a strange pang in my heart. His voice was aggravated, but the game was over. _

_Edges of a memory clouded my vision of reality. There was a counter, a microscope, some test tubes, liquids, chemicals, and rodents. Adult hands were flitting around, grabbing things and mixing them together, scribbling down a note every so often. The hands brought over a rat and fed it a small pill, scribbled another note, and put the rat back in its cage. I broke out of the odd "memory" as the door opened again._

_The old man was already back with convenience store food. I had the odd urge to look to see how fattening the food would be. He watched me carefully as he placed the contents of the newest bag on the counter. Something he did caught my attention. He was pulling out the food, giving some to everyone, and when it came to my portion, he set one down with the ingredients side up. Quickly, he turned it over and put a juice can in front of it as if to distract my thoughts from what he had done. I blinked. He kept watching me nervously as he began to unwrap his food. Conan-kun gave up on the cake and began tearing into a rice ball. _

"I'm not sure if this can really be considered a meal…" _I mumbled to myself, but opened the food nonetheless. Somehow the rice ball seemed to cry out "calories" and "unhealthy" to me. I bit into it anyway, feeling a bit taken aback by the taste. It tasted __**good.**__ I small grin of satisfaction came to my face as I eagerly bit into it again. I swung my feet and unconsciously made loud "mmm"s as I devoured the rice ball. I looked up just as I was sucking the last pieces of rice from my fingertips. And I froze. Just as everyone else seemed to have._

_The old man had a chip halfway to his mouth and Conan-kun was in mid-bite of his own rice ball as they stared, apparently astonished at me. I panicked, having no idea as to why my behavior was so intensely strange to get such an audience. Was there something on my face? The thought invoked a glare toward Conan-kun, which I very well had no idea why. He quickly finished chewing and swallowing under the intensity of my random glare. _

"**Something wrong?"** _No one said a thing. And I said no more. I had just… spoken… in English… Suddenly Conan-kun broke out of his slightly frightened look and gave me an irritated one._

"**What? Now you want to use English?"** _I stared. And stared. And stared. And almost laughed at his accent which had made him hard to understand. He glared._

"Not at all. Just wanted to see what you would do."_ I grabbed the juice can and left the room, stalking off towards the bedroom I had woken up in. I better keep out of trouble, after making such a scene so many times. But as I sat down on the bed, I realized something. I was terribly bored. I had nothing to do. I had nowhere to go. I was so bored. I couldn't find out about myself with others in the house. I certainly couldn't ask them about myself. The television and I had already had a bit of a face-off, and I wasn't planning on returning to Conan-kun's and the old man's presence. Nothing to do. I threw myself back on the bed to stare at the ceiling, and yelled._

"I'm SO BORED!"

**A bit repetitive, a bit bland, but hey I can't just jump into the main parts of the plot right off the bat, can I? :P Hope it entertained you ~

Mangaluva – She's confused alright, but you know her, she'll try to take everything in stride. And I can't tell you that yet :D

Claude le noctambule – thank you very much! I'm very very glad that you're so interested. I do hope that this chapter was alright…

UninspiredAuthor – XD thanks! Glad you liked the chapter and hope you like this one… and I've been thinking on some of that, but I'll just let you sit and ask questions without getting direct answers~

Elena Forest - ^^ so far not really a definite pairing, but my mind changes as my stories developed so it's very possible XD Too bad the update wasn't swift this time, but at least it was within a month ^^;;;;

Haibara Kawaii – Thanks! Don't worry, with Haibara going to school, the Detective Boys are sure to come back for you ^.-

Aquagirl520 – XD We shall find out soon~ and YAY it's an update! Hope ya like this chapter too ^^

PhoenixRe – thank you! I hope I don't disappoint…

Maaybe this chapter makes her seem a bit out of character, but Haibara has all of these pretenses, and if she let most of them go, I don't find it too surprising if she was just a little bit like this. Maybe I'm wrong… Anywho please review! **


	4. Gloating Shrimp

AN: Yeah, this is still me now, the one re-uploading this. All I have to say now is why did I feel the need to put Detective Conan in Japanese?

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Detective Conan/ 名探偵 コナン

Chapter 4 – Gloating Shrimp

_I gave up on staring at the ceiling and went to sleep early. So early that I woke up at 3 am and couldn't get back to sleep. I sneaked over to the door and began to tip-toe down the hall, figuring that the old man was asleep and that Conan-kun had gone home. _

"Shinichi, is it just me or is Ai-kun acting a little strange?"_ I froze. The voice had come from the old man. Apparently the guy who was supposed to come finally made it. I silently made my way up the stairs, pressing my back against the wall and peering around the door frame(don't ask me why there's a door between the living area and the stairs, but there is). My eyes widened at the response._

"Yeah… maybe something's bothering her? But… she wouldn't dare touch something with so many calories in it normally, seeing as she makes you follow her insane diet." _The person speaking was Conan-kun. Edogawa Conan. But the old man had called him Shinichi. What was that supposed to mean?_

_I was acting weird? Wasn't making an old man follow a diet weird for an 8 year old? I watched as Conan-kun began pacing. He had an fierce expression on his face that made my heart race. Fear perhaps? _

"She called me her grandpa this morning…" _Conan looked over, surprised. Uh-oh. They were getting suspicious of me. But if I made an appearance right now I would seem even more suspicious. _

"She was calling everyone by the wrong name today as well… They had to correct her." _I was entranced by the boy's intensive gaze as he stared at the floor, thinking. My hands began to shake a little, my heart still racing. Was I really this afraid? Or… _

"Maybe she just had an off day. It's getting late, so you should go home." _The boy stopped his thinking process to look at his weird watch._

"Crap! If I come back to the agency at this time I'll get a good chewing out by Ran or occhan… or both for waking them up. Can I stay the night here?" _The old man yawned and nodded. _

"I'll go see what bed Ai-kun is in, I think she'll let you borrow the cot in her lab for the night." _I had no idea what to do. If I ran back to the room he would hear me, and if he passed me he would see me. If by chance he didn't see me, he'd still find my bed empty. I was completely trapped._

"No it's fine, hakase. I'll just sleep on the couch." _The old man and Conan-kun began to clear off the couch. I took the chance to swiftly make it back into my room and crawl under the covers. I took a deep breath, realizing that I had been holding it for quite a while. I pretended to be asleep as the door squeaked open. I heard the old man try to be quiet as he grabbed a pillow and blanket from the room and left. The door squeaked loudly again, and slammed a bit. I heard the old man mutter and "oops" before retreating back up the stairs._

_I tried my best to go back to sleep, but my mind refused to shut off. Questions and thoughts raced through my head. Why was I so strange in the first place? How was I going to fool them? What was that voice that haunted me? Why did the old man call Conan-kun Shinichi? Why was I so intent on keeping this a secret? Were they really that dangerous?_

_Why did I react like that when I saw Conan-kun thinking so intensely? It didn't feel like fear._

_I sighed and watched the clock. Soon all that entranced me was the slow ticking._

_Time. _

_Not much time._

_I have to hurry and get it done…_

_Look at all the precious seconds as they tick by…_

_Just like a life fading slowly._

_He needs it back, his life. _

_I have to hurry and give it back. Give back what I took away._

_I was thinking things… and I didn't realize what. The thoughts, my own inner voice scared me. It was… lonely. Sad… it had regret dripping from it. My own inner voice that I just now heard. _

_Who's life? How can I give someone back their life? My own subconscious thoughts echoed mercilessly, the same thing as I watched the clock. I was afraid. Was I that girl? The sad, lonely, regretful one? The one who sounded as if the hope in the world didn't exist?_

_The one who chased the idea of being able to give back life already taken away? What a pitiful child. _

_In the morning, the incessant beeping woke me. I had actually fallen asleep again. I trudged up to the coffee maker and made my own cup of coffee(thankfully there were clean cups sitting next to the coffee maker so I didn't have to search the cabinets). This time I wasn't going to drink anyone else's. _

_After my first sip, I opened my eyes and stared, feeling a bit embarrassed. Across from me was Conan-kun, who also had a cup of coffee. His hair was a mess. Which probably meant that mine was as well. And I was in my pajamas. _

"Good morning, Haibara." _He said in a drowsy voice. The coffee hadn't taken its effect on him yet. I decided to hurry and take a shower before he could wake up all the way and see what I looked like. I paused when he muttered something. _"You usually take a shower in that corner bathroom since hakase put in a better shower head." _I didn't know if that was instruction or just… an observation? I turned to him with a smirk. _

"Do you have a problem with me using a different shower?" _I felt the color drain from my face when Conan-kun grinned. _

"Not a problem at all, Haibara. It's not my business if you want to walk in and use the shower when hakase is using it." _I glared at the gloating shrimp. Angrily, I grabbed the clothes I had prepared and went into the corner bathroom. After hurriedly taking a shower and dressing, I went back to the kitchen to finish my lukewarm coffee. Conan-kun was still there, but he had changed and his hair was combed down. _

_I refilled my cup again in silence. Conan-kun kept watching me out of the corner of his eye. He sucked at subtle surveillance. I looked straight at him and raised my eyebrows. He opened his mouth to say something, but his cell phone rang. The boy pulled it out of his pocket, looking at the strap on the cell. _"Conan's phone."_ He muttered. That was a weird thing to say… I cringed when he answered the phone in a particularly kiddy voice._

"Hello? Oh hi, Ran-nee-chan. Didn't you remember? I said I was going to stay the night at hakase's to try out the new game!" _What game? _"Yeah don't worry, Ran-nee-chan, Haibara and I are going to go to school together. We're leaving soon. Okay, take care. Bye!"

_He shut the cell phone and sighed. I stared at him. _

"And that was…?" _I asked out of curiosity. He sighed again._

"Ran."_ Now he took off the honorific. And his extreme kiddy voice was completely gone. _"She was worried, I had to convince her that I already told her about it, or else I might get some karate moves used on me…" _He shuddered after saying that and took a few more sips of coffee. I gulped down the rest of mine, ignoring the searing heat of the liquid. He began to get his shoes on, I did the same, grabbing my backpack and getting out the door a few seconds before Conan-kun. _

_We began to walk in silence. Unfortunately silence gave room to the dark voice to talk to me. **Sherry… what are you doing? Living a dull, meaningless life? Dragging through every repetitive day? Come back to me Sherry!** _

_The last line yelled out with a force that sent fear straight to my expression. The voice belonged to a dangerous-sounding man. I felt the immediate urge to do as he said. Of course I had no idea who the person was, or where they were. I couldn't comply with his angry demands._

_I couldn't shake the fearful expression off of my face. My heart was racing much like last night, but this was a different feeling. One I could most definitely classify as fear. Conan put his hand on my shoulder and stuck his face in mine._

"Hey Haibara… what's wrong?" _I was rather surprised to see that he was genuinely concerned. I shook my head. I couldn't cause trouble. _

"Nothing…" _I was able to shake the fearful expression and walk on with fake confidence. I wanted to hide. I was scared. Why wouldn't it leave me alone? What had happened? Most of all… who was "sherry"?_

_I couldn't tell anyone though. Not until I knew my situation and who knew what and if they were trustworthy. _

** Okay, took a bit to post this one. However I had it done, I just wasn't quite sure if I was ready to upload the chapter. Weird, but hey…

Elena Forest – Yes, and sorry about confusing you! I should've made that clearer. XD I'm glad that you liked the rice thing. ^^ What do you think of this chapter?

Miyanoai - ^^ glad you laughed! And thank you very much! I hope you liked this chapter as much as you did the last.

PhoenixRe – Thank you very much! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Mangaluva – mhm mhm mhm! Somehow it makes me excited thinking of your brilliant mind thinking of things o.o'' so we'll leave out the part where I haven't quite decided XD

Aleathiel Elendil – Thank you! I hope that this chapter is still interesting~

Uninspired Author – XDD Yush, Ai-chan is cute, isn't she? And if she ever ever ever screams those words in the anime I will die laughing. Die. Laughing. XD HAI HAI IM WRITING IM WRITING!

RH Takiko – Thank you! ^^ Conan gets suspicious around Haibara if she is acting strange, and especially if she's grinning when he's about to eat cake XDD Glad you liked that. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.

Okay so I KNOW that the whole yelling that she was bored was out of character as multiple people have pointed out. XD But I think if she's alone and she has no reason to keep her previous pretenses, she might, just MIGHT do something along those lines. Thanks a lot for your support and please review again!**


	5. Secrets and the Truth?

Author's Note 7/6/12: So, I re-uploaded this old story… and I couldn't help but want to finish it. So I wrote another chapter. It's probably not as good as the others, but you can deal with it ;) If this story is interesting to you, after you read, review. If I don't get any reviews, I'm not wasting my time to finish it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan. I own my own jacked up head, and my fingers which are typing this crazy story out.

Chapter 5 – Secrets and the Truth?

_I had managed through the school day without too many mishaps. I did my best not to talk to anyone in order to avoid any embarrassing or incriminating slip-ups. However, Conan-kun wouldn't stop watching me. I had a bad feeling that he knew that I didn't know anything. I didn't like feeling like he knew more than I did, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. _

_I ignored the kids, including Conan-kun, as we all left the elementary and I headed into town. I had no idea where anything was, but I was sure that somewhere I would find an internet café. I didn't want to touch my computer just yet – I wasn't ready to find out anymore about my murderous self. I did, however, want information on a certain boy who seems to have two totally different identities._

_I spotted a rather socially awkward person walking down the street and decided to follow him. My instincts were right and within minutes I found myself in front of an internet café. I took advantage of the money I had found in my pocket and paid for an hour of time. Once I got situated, I began with a string of keywords. Shinichi, Beika, Ran. Those were the three things that I hoped would bring some relevance to my search. The first entry on the search site read "High School Detective Kudo Shinichi Solves Another Case". I found myself intrigued and quickly clicked on it. _

_I couldn't help but stare for awhile. There he was. Conan-kun as a teenager with that ridiculous grin on his face. The article was nearing a year old, but the comments section on the website was still dating to about a week ago. I quickly scanned it, finding that Kudo Shinichi had solved every case he came across and that he was the pride of the high school. Apparently he helped the police solve all of the difficult cases they came across. People commenting below mentioned his abrupt disappearance and how they haven't seen him in ages. _

_A thought entered my head that wasn't entirely pleasant. I was making a drug… that made people grow. Kudo Shinichi, seventeen years old, disappears. Edogawa Conan, bright (albeit annoying) seven year old addressed as "Shinichi". They look identical, other than age difference and those foolish looking glasses. It wasn't possible, was it? I exited out of the window and cleared the history, then left, far earlier than the paid hour. I began to wander around aimlessly, in complete disbelief. Was it possible that this was an intricate joke on me? To convince me of all these absurd things? If it was a joke, I wasn't finding it funny. _

"Wow, Mouri Kogoro strikes again!"_ A loud voice interrupted my thoughts and I turned, seeing a crowd of people following an older man with dark hair and a tall girl with a strange hairdo. At first, I didn't notice him at all, but when I looked down right before I turned away, I noticed the red bowtie standing out from the darker colors surrounding it. Conan-kun walked along with them, an annoyed expression on his face. His expression changed, though, when he noticed me, standing smack in middle of the way, staring right at him. _

"Ah. Haibara!" _He waved, and ran to me. I stood there, continuing to stare at him as if he were the most foreign and disgusting thing I had seen in my entire life. He ignored the face I was making as he used me as an excuse. _"Ran-nee-chan, can I go with Haibara? She came all the way out here, after all." _I watched the older girl's expression as it seemed a little irritated, and then it turned to something more forgiving. I felt a pang in my chest and waves of nostalgia overcome me. An emotion I couldn't quite give name to was stirring deeply inside of me as I stared at the face of this girl. _**Shiho…** _A soft, sweet voice entered my ears, perhaps only in my mind. _

"Si-" _I began to mutter a word, my mouth now out of my control. However, Conan-kun's loud, childish voice interrupted me and brought me back to reality. _

"Thanks, Ran-nee-chan! Come on, Haibara, let's go!" _He grabbed my wrist and started running, causing me to do the same. It gave me enough time to handle the tears that had welled up in my eyes. I didn't even know that girl. But the voice I heard, it was so familiar. It gave me comfort, yet it hurt so much to hear it. Halfway down the road, he finally stopped running and walked next to me. _

"What were you doing all the way by the detective agency?" _His question seemed cautious. I knew he was suspicious of me, and it seemed that he also wanted to keep me contained. I guess that would make sense when I knew about something I doubt he wanted declared from the rooftops. _

"Finding a detective." _I watched him flinch. He was so sure of himself, that I had lost my memory. I couldn't help but want to mess with him. _

"What? Occhan?" _He was testing me. I smirked. _

"You." _My smirk got bigger as he practically tripped over himself. I wonder how he felt with an eight year old knowing his biggest secret. Part of me wrestled with my eight year old identity, but I pushed it aside. I didn't want to think about me, or about what I was. I wanted to trip this kid up some, to get him off of my tail. _

"Being a part of the detective boys doesn't make anyone an actual detective." _He said this with a shrug, an uncertain eye watching my response. I rolled my eyes._

"Obviously. But I'm surprised that you'd want to be recognized as a Detective Boy over being the pride of Teitan High School. Kudo Shinichi, high school detective." _I refrained from laughing as he outright stared at me. Then he glared, an anger taking over his features. _

"So you've been messing with hakase and me these past few days? Do you think that's funny, Haibara?" _His anger surprised me. I suddenly felt like drawing away. If I had been acting to get him angry, I might've thought it was funny. But I didn't like his accusations. I didn't like him looking at me with such anger. I really didn't know who anyone was, but he couldn't be suspicious of me. _

_In the midst of feeling upset, something clicked inside of me. He was so angry… because I was putting him in danger. If I forgot… and found out things, that means it would've been bad for him, right? And seeing as I'm a crazy scientist … child… person… and I may be looking for a solution, or perhaps even caused his problem, then maybe he's linked to the fact that I killed someone? He called himself a detective, someone who is supposed to be on the side of justice. He was such a liar, a terrible criminal pretending to be the opposite._

_His ranting fell on deaf ears as I suddenly found that the person I was practically clinging to was really a terrible person. I began taking steps backward. His mouth stopped moving when he noticed my strange behavior. _

_I don't know why I did it. _

_I just felt like I had been given a chance to make everything right. To change everything. _

_I had a feeling, deep inside, that he wasn't the only child-teenager. After all, my keeping to myself and my knowledge that far exceeded my age was an obvious indicator. What child would ask themselves "is this what a child does"? A child would ask for help, no matter what. A child wouldn't ask why their actions didn't meet their age. An adult who thought they were supposed to be a child just might, though. _

_All of these things raced through my mind and I just thought that maybe I was given a chance to mess up the bad guys' agenda. My final act to make myself right. _

_I ran. _

_I ran faster than I thought my little feet could take me. I burst into the door of the house I had been staying in and threw off my shoes. I then ran, nearly tripping, down the stairs and into the lab. I shut the metal door behind me quickly, and then locked it. My eyes searched to and fro quickly trying to find it. I remembered reading about how the stronger doses would be almost guaranteed fatal. If I died, they couldn't use me to aid them in their criminal acts. I finally found a bottle containing red and white pills labeled ANTI-APTX-PROTOTYPE. _

"Haibara! Haibara, what are you doing?" _I jumped when I heard Conan-kun's muffled voice at the door. I knew he would be coming, but this soon? He began banging on the door, making my heart race faster and faster. My small fingers fumbled for the bottle. I finally twisted it open, and the banging had stopped. I pulled out a pill and as I was putting it to my mouth, Conan-kun flung the door open. It appeared that he had either picked the lock or the hakase had another key. He lunged for me, immediately noticing that I was about to take the drug. _

_He grabbed my hand._

_I smiled._

_He looked terrified._

_I swallowed._

** So, I broke my own rule and wrote some more to this story. What can I say? It's still my favorite. I know the story sounds a bit jolted since I haven't written this story in forever, so I'm sure there's a bit of a voice change or whatnot. If you all review, I'll consider continuing it further. **


	6. Burn

Author's Note: If you didn't already notice, bold is usually used for **English** or sometimes for emphasis. In this chapter, it should be entirely for English.

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan

Chapter 6 – Burn

_Conan-kun hadn't really been prepared for my actions. I knew that very well. It still shocked me, though. After I swallowed the pill, his face twisted in a mixture of fear and anger. _

"Spit it out! Right now, Haibara. Spit. It. Out." _He said this while twisting my hand, which was indeed rather painful. I couldn't help but be amused at how angry he was. I really was messing up his plans, and even though he was aware that I had swallowed it and there would be no spitting it out, he was holding onto his last hopes of me living like he wanted. _"Throw it up! Throw it up, Haibara, or so help me I will make you." _The smile on my face made him angrier. His voice was carrying a fearful tone, which to me was relatively understandable. I shook my head tauntingly. _

_ In his rage, he pulled my hand up and used his free hand to make a fist. As if in slow motion, it occurred to me that he was seriously going to try to make me throw it up. The only way he could do it that quickly was to punch me in the stomach, thusly causing the contents of my stomach to be displayed for all to see. I realized this a bit too late, and when his fist came in contact with my body, the pain jolted through me. I doubled over and he let go of my hand. I coughed._

_ I decided to take his actions as proof of his existence as a bad person. He wasn't afraid to cause me internal injuries as long as he got what he wanted. I looked up at him, still half bent over. For about the third time today, I looked on him with fear. He was looking at me intensely, hoping that I would be puking momentarily. His wish was granted, right after a sharp pain went through me. _

"Geez, Haibara, what the heck is wrong with you?" _He sounded relieved, even though he was looking at a disgusting mess on the floor. I opened my mouth to answer, but instead all that came out was a mangled cry. Pain like the one before shot through my body, intensely so in my chest. I grabbed at it, hoping that somehow it would relieve the pain. _"Hey... Haibara..." _His voice sounded so far away, but it was filled with fear. I had the sudden thought that this might be what it feels like to die from a poison. A poison made by me, a killer. What a rightful way to die. _

_ Suddenly the pain came again, but it didn't stop. Following closely came something like a burning fire that spread through my body. I started to sweat heavily. My heart was pounding faster and faster, and it felt like it was moments from bursting. The pain continued to become worse and worse the feeling of fire more and more prominent. I closed my eyes. I could hear something, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I was pretty sure it was a voice of some sort, but it was too far away to understand anything that it was saying. Finally, the waves of pain and heat overcame me and a scream escaped from my lips. Then darkness came and settled around me._

_ I opened my eyes, breathing in deeply. I was calming my nerves. I made a fist with my hand and began taking steps forward. At first, they were slow. I was afraid. It felt like the scariest thing that I've ever done. Gradually, my resolve to face it and save them pushed past the fear and I began to run. I reached my destination quickly. I didn't have to run very far, but I was breathing rapidly. It was in part to gain my breath after running, but part of it felt like it was an attempt to calm my heart as it pounded in my chest. _I have to save him. _The thought entered my head. I gave up on questioning who I was saving. The world around me was fuzzy, and I felt a bit faint. Something about it was surreal, but I couldn't seem to place what it was, exactly. All I could clearly make out was a gun. It came into view with crystal clarity. _

"Haibara?" _I opened my eyes slowly. The first thing to meet my eyes was Conan-kun, who seemed to be standing over me. His face showed his relief at my annoyance. Did he have to stick his head in my face? _

"Your breath." _I said, frowning. He moved away and breathed onto his hand. He looked back at me, equally annoyed._

"What's wrong with it?" _I smirked. _

"It was in my face." _That's when I realized something. My voice sounded... different. Not significantly different, just different. Maybe burning and puking had messed with my voice a little. Seeing the look on my face, Conan-kun returned the smirk._

"I don't know what you were trying to prove, but now you're at severe risk to be caught by the Organization." _Organization? My face went blank. He walked up to me and picked up my hand. It was much larger than his. I immediately sat up. I had been placed in my bed and was wearing an oversized t-shirt. When I noticed all of this, I pulled the blanket up around me, blushing. He didn't seem moved at all. _"Do you know how long the change is going to last?" _Conan-kun asked this as he looked at his watch. _"It's already been twelve hours. Do you think you'll turn back soon?" _I looked at him, then down at myself. I repeated this action, then glared. He looked at me, still wanting an answer to his questions._

"Hey, Conan-kun." _He raised an eyebrow. Then his face turned a few shades on the side of pale. _"Get. Out."_ He swallowed in a nervous manner and nodded, then made a quick exit, closing the door behind him. I looked around and spotted the mirror that had been in my room. I swung my legs over the bed and stood up. I felt unsteady for a moment, not used to my height or weight. After steadying myself, I walked up to the mirror and took my reflection in. It felt like a strange mixture of foreignness mixed with familiarity. There wasn't too much to be surprised about – I was just older. At least I was relatively pleased with my looks as a teenager. Excluding the t-shirt, of course. That needed to get fixed – immediately._

_ I walked out of my room, coming up with a plan in my head as I searched for Conan-kun. Finally spotting him in the living room, I walked toward him. _"Get me a jacket that I can use to go shopping." _I demanded to his back. He nodded. _

"Whoa, that's that little girl?" _I jumped and turned toward the voice that had spoken the unnatural-sounding Japanese. There, sitting on the counter, was a full-grown young man, staring at me, practically drooling. I felt my face getting hot, much too aware that I was only wearing an oversized t-shirt. I couldn't decide whether I should run or I should hide, or if I should do something else. I ended up freezing. _"You didn't tell me she was hot! Kudo, why have you been hiding her from me?" _I watched as he stood up and walked towards me. I felt my embarrassment increase, then turn into anger. Right before I took physical action against this guy, Conan-kun abruptly interrupted._

"Hattori!" _He sounded surprisingly angry. It snapped me out of my panic and I ran off down into the hallway the moment the guy turned his head towards Conan-kun. I retreated to my room, shutting the door quickly behind me. There was more of them? I went over to the bed and laid under the covers, hoping that Conan-kun would quickly get the jacket I requested so I could go get some clothes – and escape. I mentally slapped myself. Conan-kun and his perverted friend and even the old man were bad people. Why was I so comfortable with him even though I knew that he was only using me for my scientific knowledge and ability? I'd seen what he had done.. I realized how despicable he was. A part of me was still inclined to cling to him for help. I wondered how deceived I was before this whole memory problem happened. _

_After waiting for about ten minutes, I decided to sneak out of my room and further down the hall to my lab where my computer was. It would be good to find out how long this lasted – just as Conan-kun had wanted to know. I slowly turned the knob on my door and opened it a crack. I couldn't hear any voices coming from above. I pushed it slowly and slipped out and walked as quickly as I could to the lab door. It appeared that Conan-kun had picked the lock by looking at the doorknob. I pushed the door open and scanned the room. Some stuff had been knocked over and pushed out of place, but the mess that had come from my insides was cleaned up. I also noticed the ANTI-APTX PROTOTYPE bottle missing. I guess he didn't want me trying anything else. _

_I let the chair down lower and sat in it, then shook the mouse to wake up my computer. It asked for my fingerprint again and I had it scanned. When it opened, I quickly scrolled away from the words that haunted me and to any recent information about this drug. I winced. _

_This version was apparently made for "Kudo-kun" which I suppose I called him considering the amount it was used in my notes. It was a lot stronger, and as I had read before, much more life-threatening. Someone like me, who hadn't taken it several times (as it seems he had) would almost certainly die of it. Though, I had noted, that his chances of death when taking it were also rather high. He had begun developing a resistance to it, so I had made adjustments while making it stronger and had yet to have him try it out. For some reason, I was reluctant to have him take it. Was it because he could achieve his goals easier that way? _

_Regardless, this version was supposed to last approximately three days for him. I closed the document, still haunted by the words contained inside of it. I turned in my chair to get off when I heard a noise. I jumped and looked up._

"Will this do?" _Conan-kun was standing at the door, holding up a trench coat. His eyes were adverted and I quickly stood up and grabbed the jacket from him. It took less than fifteen seconds for me to get it on and to tie it closed. _

"It'll work. I'll only be like this for another day, maybe less. You have any money on you?" _He blinked._

"Money?" _I smiled in an overly-sweet manner. _

"It was your fault that I got in this predicament, so you can pay for my clothes." _He frowned, obviously annoyed. _

"How is this my fault?" _Regardless, he pulled out a wallet from his pocket. He handed me a few bills, but I kept my hand out. It wouldn't hurt to get some aid from the enemy. He grumbled something and pulled out some more, then quickly put his wallet back. _"Do you..." _He looked at me, then looked away. He didn't seem like he was about to finish his sentence any time soon, so I walked past him._

"I'll be back later." _Of course, that was a lie. I wasn't about to come back to this prison. _

"A hat." _I stopped. _"Take a hat, so _they_ don't recognize you so easily." _Conan-kun turned to me, a hat I hadn't noticed in his outstretched hand. I nodded, then put it on my head. They? I then walked to the door, ignoring a snickering idiot who was still at the house. It was then that I realized that I had no shoes. However, a pair of sneakers were sitting there, and I slipped them on. They fit almost perfectly._

"Where ya going?" _The kansai-ben dialect reached my ears as my fingers touched the doorknob. His voice sounded dangerous to me, and instead of answering him, I quickly opened the door and let myself out. _

_I rushed down the street, almost certain that they knew I was up to something. The tone in his voice and the strange, defeated actions of Conan-kun, or Kudo-kun, were definitely red flags. I wouldn't be surprised if I was followed. _

* * *

_It didn't take long for me to spot some adorable clothes and I quickly went in to the store and bought what I needed. I got a strange look from the lady as I paid for the clothes I was now wearing out of the shop, but I didn't mind. I felt a lot better wearing my newly-purchased outfit. As I walked out of the store,long, blonde hair caught my attention. _

"Hey, doesn't she look like that American movie star?"_ I heard a guy mutter to his friend as they walked by. A movie star? Some part of me was fascinated, and I couldn't help but want to see what she looked like. As I was edging closer to her, trying to not look extremely suspicious, she turned to me._

"**Well, hello there." **_She almost looked like she was mildly surprised to see me. Maybe she thought I was a foreigner too, since I had strawberry blonde hair and some obviously foreign features. I smiled._

"**Hello." **_I bowed my head a little, not sure what to do now. There was no guarantee that she really was a movie star, and regardless, I didn't have much to say to her. I had to find a way to get as far away from Kudo-kun and his minions. She suddenly smiled brightly, an almost amused look in her eyes._

"**Are you from America, by any chance?" **_I froze. If I answered yes, then she might ask me about America, and I didn't have any idea if I had been there. However, my English was excellent. Maybe I just studied English? I decided to go with the safer answer and shook my head no._

"**No, I'm not..." **_I started feeling a bit awkward standing there so I began to bow a little again, ready to excuse myself._

"**Oh wait! But your English is so good! I was hoping I would get to actually talk with someone around here. Would you mind having lunch with me?" **_Lunch? With a total stranger? A part of me felt fearful. There seemed to be something about her that screamed 'run away', but it was probably because she was a foreigner. I decided that it would be rude to ignore her request when no one else around here seemed to speak adequate English. I smiled and nodded._

"**It would be my pleasure. Where to?" **_She smiled and grabbed my hand. I flinched. Her hand was soft and warm, but it sent chills down my spine. She began walking, causing me to walk along with her. _

"**Oh, thank you so much! I was going to pick something up at home before I ate, but I guess we can eat first." **_At that moment, I noticed a dark-skinned teenager across the street, hovered over a short boy with a rather dangerous expression on his face. _

"**Actually, we can go pick that up first since you seem to need it. Come on, let's hurry!" **_The woman didn't complain and after a moment of me tugging on her hand, she began leading the way to her car. I got in the passenger seat and she got in the driver's. In minutes, we were well down the road, plenty far away from Kudo-kun and his friend. I noticed the woman lock the doors, and I began to feel uneasy. I pushed the feeling away, knowing that she was my ticket to get away from those criminals. She got onto the highway, then turned to me, a disturbing smile on her face._

"**Did you already forget me, Sherry?" **_I shuddered and stared at her. My eyes were wide, and I could feel her analyzing my reaction. _

"**Sherry? Oh... no, that's not my name." **_I didn't feel like providing her my actual... or my child name in place of it and silence filled the vehicle._

"**Ha. Sherry, you and I know each other very well." **_I pondered her words for a moment. The man who told me to come back to him also called me Sherry. I realized that these must've been the people Kudo-kun had been keeping me from. Does that mean she's my friend?_

"**Were we friends?" **_I asked, my voice sounding helpless and desperate. If I could find someone to help me... _

"**Yes, and I've been waiting for your return. Have you decided to come back?" **_I felt relief and guilt hit me at the same time. I was relieved to finally find a dependable friend, but guilty for forgetting her. I looked out the window for a few minutes, trying to decide why the air felt so tense. _

"**If I tell you something, will you believe me?" **_I asked, still sounding more like the eight year old I thought I was. I didn't like feeling vulnerable, but she was someone who could save me. She was my friend, the friend that Kudo-kun took away from me to make me work for him._

"**Of course." **_She smiled at me. I smiled back, a little more reassured. _

"**I lost... I lost my memory. I'm sorry that I didn't recognize you..." **_She didn't seem too surprised at my words. _

"**I thought so. Otherwise you wouldn't have denied being Sherry. So, what do you want to do now? Are you going back to them, or coming back to us?" **_I heard a sound much like the sound of metal, but when I looked around for the cause of it, I didn't see anything. I looked down at my hands, preparing for my answer to her. She was my friend. She was going to save me from the enemy. She understood me just from a few sentences. I could trust her, despite this uneasy feeling._

"**I want to go back with you. I don't fully understand why I was kept there, but they were making me research something. You probably won't believe this, but I was in the body of an eight year old less than half a day ago." **_She frowned._

"**They were making you research something? We kept loose tabs on you, but we couldn't save you without causing you harm until now. I'll bring you to someone who wants to see you very much. But I don't know if they'll let you back. You might have to do something before they decide you're loyal. They think you're a traitor." **_I looked at her, wide-eyed. It sounded like I was part of a group, almost like I had been caught somehow between two opposing teams. Kudo-kun had caused me to become a traitor in my friends' eyes? I clenched my teeth._

"**So, who is the person who wants to see me?" **_She smiled at me again, but her eyes didn't seem like they were exactly happy. It was an emotion close to it, but it was strange. _

"**His name is Gin."**

**So thank you, my one reviewer, kaitoukidsama. This chapter is for you :) I'm glad you enjoy this story and I hope that this chapter was enjoyable as well.**


	7. Deceitful Memories

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. I do, however, own my own insanity.

Chapter 7 – Deceitful Memories

_When I set eyes on him, I couldn't exactly explain all the emotions that were flying through me. I'm pretty sure one of them was fear. I sat in the woman's car, watching as she spoke with the man. He looked like someone who had been separated from kindness for a long time. I felt my heart stop when his eyes looked over at me, locking with my own aqua colored orbs. My stomach turned and I quickly looked away, unable to handle the steady gaze directed at me. _

_ I had to remember that a part of me – a lot of my emotions and thought processes – were probably changed thanks to Kudo-kun. I had been conditioned somehow to stay with him and constantly research, even though it was apparent I didn't always update him. He must've convinced me that we were friends and that my research benefited me as much as it benefited him. Maybe the second part was right. I felt a lot better in this body. It was as if I belonged in something for the first time since I had lost my memories. _

_ I chanced a glance at the two as they continued speaking. I watched as a twisted smile spread on the man's face. I looked away again. He wanted to see me so much that he called to me in my mind. But he had seemed so angry. I wondered if Kudo-kun had caused him to hate me. I jumped in surprise as the door swung open and a hand grabbed my arm. _

_ The man with long, silver hair pulled me out of the car, pulled me forward, shut the door, and pushed me against the car. For a moment, I was sure he was going to beat the crap out of me. I fought my fears and raised my eyes to meet his. As I lifted my head, he came forward._

_ The world around me changed when I closed my eyes in shock and fear. _

* * *

"_Sherry." A smile was on his face. It looked pained, and it seemed obvious that he normally didn't have that expression on his face. His hand moved my hair from my eyes. _

"_Gin..." I felt myself answer. He wrapped me in his arms in a hug that was a little too tight for comfort. I rested my head against his shoulder._

* * *

_ As our lips detached from the sudden kiss he sprang on me, the sudden vision... or memory... that I had vanished. I stared at him, eyes wide. He was... the person I loved? Tears welled up in my eyes as emotions that accompanied the joining of my memory and this moment clashed together. _

"Gin..." _I said, my voice trembling slightly. He seemed pleased. _

"So she wasn't lying. You're really back." _There was something intensely different in how he sounded now and how he sounded in my memory. Maybe it was that we had been apart for so long. I blinked several times, refusing to cry here. I took a deep breath and chained up all my fearful feelings toward him and threw them into an abyss in the back of my mind. _

_ I belonged here. These were the people who accepted me. This man loved me. The woman was my friend. And they were going to save me from my enemy._

"Anokata is not going to allow you back that easily." _The woman stepped into view, her arms crossed and a devilish grin on her face. It seemed as though she had been aiming to break the secure feeling I had finally gained._ "I understand you've been in a very different world from ours, and your little human brain has been filled with ideas of justice and things being right. But I'll have to inform you of a few things and bring you back to yourself." _I swallowed. I didn't like how she said those things. _"You are a scientist. You used to be employed by our organization as the head scientist in an important project. Let me get this straight for you – we're considered criminals." _I flinched. _

"But the police have done nothing to right the wrongs in this world, either. If you'd rather be on the side of the public's view of justice, feel free to run to them. If you want to go back to your little friend and the old man, that's fine. But I think you should see something first." _I suddenly didn't like anything that was going on. My friends, the people who I cared about, the people who cared about me, were criminals? Was I wrong about Kudo-kun? I watched, frozen still, as the woman pulled out a folded piece of paper. It was a bit faded and it looked like a scrap from a newspaper. When she handed it to me, my heart did another flip._

_ Conan-kun stood, wrapped in Ran's arms. His face was unreadable. But he was standing right behind a body that was being taken care of by the police. I looked at it, entranced. I felt my head beginning to hurt. My heart was beating faster than normal and I began gasping for air. _

"The person who he let die... was your only sister." _I couldn't breathe. The image I stared at was making its way to be permanently imprinted in my mind. My sister... The thought caused fresh pain in my heart and my mind, and suddenly the image got blurry. In a moment, I felt myself begin to fall, and ultimately I lost consciousness._

* * *

_I opened my eyes slowly. I checked my hand and saw that I was still in my older form. A washcloth had been placed on my forehead. When I sat up, I noticed I was in a car, but not the one from before._

"Welcome back." _Gin's low, gravelly voice reached my ears. _"It seems that you're unable to take too much at once." _It didn't sound like he was being sympathetic. It sounded more like an observation. _"Vermouth will tell you what Anokata has decided to make you do in order to prove your loyalty." _I half expected the woman to come out of nowhere again to tell me. I laid back down, my gaze about to burn a hole in the ceiling of the car. _"But while we wait..." _A slight chuckle came from him, causing the fear I had thrown into the abyss to come ever closer to making a comeback. He turned and suddenly his upper half was in the back seat. A twisted grin appeared on his face as his hand traced a line down my side. I trembled._

"How old are you?" _The question left my mouth before I could stop it. His hand paused, still resting on my side. He grinned, amused by my question. _

"Twenty six. Is age a problem now?" _I swallowed. He seemed much older than that, but it made me feel less like I was being touched by an old man. I reminded myself that he was the person I loved. The memory still had little effect on my reactions as I flinched when he touched my face. _"I like you this way the most. You pretend to be so strong, but you're just a scared little girl." _He drew his hand back and sat back in the driver's seat as one of the back passenger doors opened. _

"Trying to make up for lost time?" _The blonde haired woman asked snidely, pushing my legs off of the seat to sit her own rear down. I sat up, feeling a displeasure coming from Vermouth, the person who was my friend. She must be one of those people that you have to learn to love. She didn't speak in English much anymore, unlike when we first spoke._

"The request is simple. Bring the boy to us. You'll have to have his trust, or he'll be prepared. You have two weeks. Act like you trust him. Make up things if you have to. Pretend that you agree that we're the enemy and they're the allies. I'll contact you about the location to lure him to a few days before the end of your time limit. Do you understand?" _A part of me knew that I would be bringing Kudo-kun to his doom. But he had done much worse to me. He'd lied to me and tricked me. He took away everyone who was important to me and made me believe I should be on his side just for his benefit. I nodded._

_ Vermouth smiled. _"We have to make it a bit believable. After all, he saw you go with me, so I doubt you'd come out without a scratch. You barely escaped with your life from us. He has to believe it." _She opened the car door again and got out. She leaned down and smiled. _"As much as I'd love to stick around for this part, I have other things to do." _She slammed the door and Gin started the car. _

* * *

_The whole ordeal was much worse than I had imagined. I really felt like I was barely getting out with my life. Gin had taken me to a deserted area and proceeded to beat the crap out of me. What disturbed me the most was that he seemed to enjoy it. I tried not to cry out. I didn't want to sound weak, but I also didn't want to make him feel guilty for hurting the person he cared about. Maybe a part of him was taking out the anger he felt when he believed I had betrayed the organization. _

_ He had vaguely described the organization, which hadn't honestly sounded like that great of a place. But what did I know? I had people who cared for me there. I tried very hard not to hold it against him when his fist came in contact with my body. Or when for the final touch, he pulled out a gun and shot me. I did my best to ignore how it seemed that it brought him happiness when I couldn't hold it in and I cried out from pain. He dropped me off on a street only a few blocks from the old man's house._

_ It was a very believable act. It was so believable, in fact, that I found myself trying to remember that it wasn't just a trick. I walked slowly down the street, painfully drawing in breaths to sustain myself. I was bleeding pretty much everywhere. The bullet wound wasn't fatal, but it still hurt badly. If I didn't get medical attention soon, I would die from blood loss. I finally reached the street that had the house I had escaped from a day ago. My vision was getting a bit questionable by the time I was three houses down._

_ I was never happier in my life to see the person who had caused my pain. He was walking alongside his perverted friend, leaving the house to go who knows where. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. They turned in the other direction, the shadows hiding me from them. I tried again and stretched out my hand, hoping that somehow it would stop them. _Help me! _I mouthed, but the sound still refused to accompany it. I lost balance as I took a step forward and fell, flat on my face. _

_ I began to figure that this was the end. I'd never be able to show the people I belonged with that I wasn't a traitor. I'd just die here, bleeding out because I couldn't successfully complete the mission given to me. It was then that I felt something touch my neck. I heard it. The voice of the one who caused all of this._

"She's got a pulse. Hattori, get the professor. We probably can't take her to a hospital with Them watching out for her. Get him to call Jodie-sensei." _I couldn't breathe. I think I finally realized that I wasn't breathing. That was probably why he was checking my pulse now. I couldn't see anything. I don't know if my eyes were closed or not. But I could feel him shaking me gently. He was saying something, but the sound of his voice was faint, and eventually, it left._

* * *

**So... I have my own personal rough draft reader here at home and she was maybe spazzing at this. This gives me a bit of hope for you all, and that you will enjoy it at least a bit as much as she did. If you did, please review! (Or else the story ends here, and so does my rough draft reader's sanity.) ((She also says this isn't true.. you decide.))

**Guest** – I'd rather call you something other than "Guest" but I don't have much of a choice... When you say thanks, I think that you might be my best friend who was the only one who reviewed from last chapter? Either way, glad you enjoyed it! Cliff hangers are my favorite thing to write... just because I like leaving people in suspense. What were your thoughts on this chapter?

**MewShiny** – Thank you! Yes... I'm having a bit of trouble reigning in her emotions in relations not only to events but also to her memories. This chapter, I think, goes into a little bit of the twisted world and thought she used to live in before she escaped. I still need to finish reading your story that I was almost spam-reviewing because of it's awesomeness. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, and I hope you'll let me know your thoughts on this one!

Please review! The more reviews, the more likely this story won't die a lonely death. Am I desperate? One can only wonder...**


	8. Monsters in the Bedroom

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan.

Chapter 8 - Monsters in the Bedroom

_What's right?_

_What's wrong?_

_What's the truth?_

_What's a lie?_

_Who are you?_

_Who am I?_

_What is this?_

_Why are we here?_

_I played with these questions for awhile. They were questions that confounded my mind. I didn't understand them, but they continued to cycle through my thoughts. I was sitting alone on a rock. I was in middle of an ocean, or some other big body of water. I couldn't see anything but the water even to the horizon all around me. I wasn't sure what was going on here. It was a little chilly, and I shivered. The wind was gentle, but somehow it didn't feel calming. The constant sound of moving water and its striking against this rock was lulling me to sleep, but some part of it made me nervous. I felt like I should be calm. I should relax and let go._

_Suddenly, the wind picked up and the sound of water got much louder. It rushed and pushed against me, pushing me off of the rock. I fell into the water backwards, unable to hold my breath before I went under. I heard voices. All of them were saying something, but they were mangled together and there was no way to pull them apart to understand. Their message sounded urgent, but I couldn't understand them. I began to flail in a weakened attempt to swim. Just as I felt my fingers grip the rock, I could no longer resist the urge to breathe. I pulled myself up, coughing violently. The voices stopped and the sound of the shifting water brought me peace._

_I held onto the rock, too weak to pull myself up on top of it. I looked around, hoping that I would see some land. Still, nothing but the endless ocean met my eyes. When I turned my attention back to the rock, there was someone sitting there in my place. This girl had long, brown hair that was being blown gently by the same wind that had forced me into this position. She was looking up at the sky, seemingly peaceful._

"Help me!" _I cried out. She looked over, a face painfully familiar to me. She smiled gently and pulled me onto the rock next to her. _

"Shiho, it's been awhile." _I knew I knew her from somewhere. But who was she? I didn't answer, afraid to disappoint yet another person. She was kicking her feet in the water as if she was simply enjoying a day at the beach. She continued smiling and reached up, fixing my hair. _"You don't remember me, right? It's alright. When you do remember me, please remember that I love you dearly, okay?" _My eyes began to fill with tears. She was like an angel, sitting right next to me. I wanted with everything that I had to remember who she was. I wanted to know why she was so important to me. As if understanding my desire, she shook her head slowly. _"Don't worry about who I am right now. I can't tell you that." _Finally, I found my voice._

"Please, can I at least stay with you until I remember?" _She stood up and stretched, her loose t-shirt and shorts ruffling in the wind. She turned and reached her hand toward me and I took it. _

"You can't stay here. You have to find out the truth. You can do this, Shiho." _As I stood, she let go of my hand. For a moment, she just took in my face, as if she was trying to keep it in her memory. I could see her eyes getting watery. _"An innocent teenager... How I wish you could stay that way. Do your best." _She said these words much more quietly and I had to strain to hear them. Suddenly, she reached out and pushed me face-first into the churning water. I tried to swim, but I couldn't move my arms or legs. All I managed to do was twist around, causing my reluctant body to face upwards. When I looked up, I could still see her standing there. My eyes burned and so did my lungs. I sunk too deep to see her any longer and I closed my eyes. The voices got significantly louder once I lost sight of the angel. I let go, feeling myself drown in uncertainty. Suddenly the voices joined together to form one word: Haibara. The voices turned into one and jolted me awake._

"Haibara!" _I took in a sharp breath and my eyes shot open. I was gasping for air as my eyes scanned the area quickly, hoping to take in my surroundings quickly. Conan-kun was blocking most of my view, so I sat up quickly, launching pain through my body. I winced, then looked around. I found that I was in the old man's house again, inside my room. My breathing slowed as I calmed down. _"Thank goodness, Haibara." _He breathed a sigh of relief. _"You stopped breathing all of a sudden. I thought you were going to die." _I couldn't help but wonder if that was when the angel had pushed me in or when I had been with her. _

_I didn't talk, but instead looked at him. _An innocent teenager._ Looking at him now, he didn't look anything near innocent. His eyes contained a mixture of sincerity and relief, along with some left over panic. I had always thought something was off about him. The angel had a wish that couldn't be fulfilled. I knew this, and I'm sure she did as well. He gave me a blank look, although he seemed worried that I was having more problems now due to whatever had happened to me._

_Right. I had to act friendly to my enemy while working a way to defeat him. But the way the angel had said to find the truth... I felt like I should look into this whole situation a little more. There was something that didn't fit; something wasn't right. For now, I had to get close to Conan-kun while investigating my 'friends' and the organization that I was trying to re-enter. A part of me was afraid. I didn't want to ruin my chance to live happily with my friends who cared for me._

"Haibara, what happened when you left?" _I looked at him, a stone cold expression on my face. _

"I went to the store to buy clothes. Then _she_ was there. I went with her so there wouldn't be any trouble. Then I spotted you and Mr. Pervert so I tried to get out of there before she had a chance to cause you two harm. They questioned me, and you can see what happened. I somehow got out and managed to make it home, but I can't remember much from the time..." _I paused. I swallowed, thinking of the beating Gin had given me. The thought made my body hurt more. I looked up at him and he simply nodded, as if he understood. _

"Ai-kun!" _The old man came into my room with a huge smile on his face. Conan-kun made an "Ah." face as if he'd just realized he should have told the old man that I was awake. _"Thank goodness!" _He continued, coming to my bedside. _"I'll make you some soup, okay, Ai-kun?" _I smiled weakly and nodded. Part of me wondered if there were going to be drugs in it. He turned quickly and walked off humming. Conan-kun sat himself down in a chair that had been brought in. He was watching me for unknown reasons as his friend (who was still, for some reason, here) walked in._

"So the little girl... uh... Hai... Haigen is awake?" _I felt anger rise up in me. He couldn't even get the identity that they most likely came up with for me right? I saw Conan-kun shoot him a glare, but I couldn't contain myself._

"You can't even bring yourself to remember my name?" _I hissed. He took a nervous step back and put his hands in the air. _

"It was an honest mistake! I'm sorry." _He couldn't really say much more, since he had apparently forgotten what my name was. Conan-kun didn't offer him the answer._

"Hmm, it seems as though you're staying in that body longer than you expected. And since Ran has seen you here, it looks like we're going to have to enroll you in school so your presence here won't be so suspicious." _Hold on. His guardian saw me here? And yet he'd been obviously keeping the truth from her, he can't keep her from messing with me? This annoyed me as well, but I kept it to myself._

"School? Won't that be more obvious? They'll be looking for me." _He nodded, but then smirked._

"They know you too well. You wouldn't stick around in a place where you've been identified. They'll look elsewhere. If you're still concerned, we can work up a disguise for you. But if you just stay holed up here, Ran is going to get curious and start poking around." _I frowned. He was more concerned that she didn't find out his secret than he was for my safety. What else could be expected from my enemy? I had just been beaten to a near-death state and he was ready to send me off to school around his guardian to save his butt. _

_It was then that I realized something. I moved my arm, which was bandaged. It didn't hurt nearly as badly as it had before, just a few minutes ago. I took in a deep breath and found that again, the pain had significantly decreased. Both males in the room seemed to have caught on to what I was doing by the time I moved my leg. _

"Dr. Araide said that you were healing up extraordinarily fast." _Conan-kun commented. A part of me felt like a monster. However, I didn't mind too much. It meant that my life would be much easier to throw into action if I healed as quickly as it seemed. There were more significant and less convenient things wrong with me, after all. After a moment of awkward silence as the 'guests' in my room looked at me and out in space at the same time in deep thought, the old man came in with soup. _

"Here you go, Ai-kun, eat this." _He sat it down near me and turned to the other two. _"Alright, let's leave Ai-kun to eat in peace now." _All three left the room and allowed me time to breathe without them watching me. I looked over at the soup and my stomach growled. It didn't take long before I devoured it despite it being searing hot. _

_I set the bowl back down and laid back. As my eyelids grew heavy, I told myself that I would explore my lab. But the urge to get up grew fainter as my desire to sleep overcame me. Within moments, I closed my eyes and went back into the darkness._

* * *

_When I woke up again, it had become apparent that my snide thought was actually a good guess. Conan-kun happily came in and let me know that I seemed in good enough shape to go to school the next day and that making me sleep for several hours made a world of difference. Sleeping pills in my soup? Seriously? I hadn't objected much, but I stayed in my room for the rest of the day. I didn't want to go outside of these four walls. I felt like this would be the only time I could spend time to just rest and think. Another part of me knew I was playing along about my miraculous recovery. As well as I had been doing, I still felt a lot of pain and felt extremely weak. I often fell asleep between interruptions by either Conan-kun or the old man._

_The morning of my fate met me in an unpleasant way. _

* * *

"Haibara, hurry and get up!" _I only had a moment to moan my protest. _"Ran is out in the living room waiting on you. Oh, and you're from America, think something up and feel free to use plenty of English. You have a foreign name, too. What did Hakase say it was again?" _I rubbed my eyes, then blinked a few times. He had just said a ton of stuff that made no sense. As I stretched, ignoring the pain and refusing to react to it, the name randomly came back to him. _"Oh yeah! Helen Gray. Your uniform is over there. Hurry!"

_Say what?_

* * *

** Why end it here? Because I believe her next adventures deserve their own beginnings in a new chapter. I wanted to say thank you to all you wonderful readers and reviewers! I guess I'll stop begging for reviews, so long as you continue doing so (please?). I didn't have my rough draft reader around this time so I hope you enjoy it as much as she hasn't yet... or something like that.

**Kaitoukidsama** – It's okay, I guessed you were :D Ahaha, it was meant to be! Hope you enjoyed this one!

**MewShiny – **Thank you so much! And thanks for discussing the story with me, it's helped me out a lot. Please review and let me know your thoughts on this one!

**Wonderstruck – **Thank you for the encouragement! I hope you like this chapter as well :D I can't wait to see you make your own fanfic ;)

**Roxifoxi – **Haha, it's okay :D And thank you so much! The cover you saw was one that I made earlier, but I didn't like my poor drawing of Haibara on it. Plus, I found the screencap I wanted of Haibara and edited it so I decided I wanted it to represent my story more than my terrible art skills XD A cliffhanger is when something happens and it leaves people with very few details and makes them want to know more and what happens next. At least, that's my best definition of it :)

**Guest** – Thank you! As you can see, I'm continuing it! Please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter! :D

You all are awesome! Thank you so much for your reviews! I hope to hear (see?) your thoughts on this chapter in the reviews! **


	9. Deja Vu

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan or anything remotely to do with Detective Conan, nor do I own your face. Did I have to mention that? Yes. It was absolutely necessary because apparently people get very sue-happy over faces. Kay.

Chapter 9 – Deja Vu

_I didn't like this._

_I didn't like this at all._

"Gray-san! So you're from America? You speak such good Japanese!" _I smiled weakly, already sick from the first round of these questions. _"Even better than mine..." _The girl muttered to herself with a sheepish grin. I was quickly getting tired of this Suzuki Sonoko as Conan-kun's guardian silently walked beside me, smiling. She pretended like my answers were just as interesting as they were when I had told her them earlier this morning when I rushed to get everything I would possibly need to survive a day of high school with a nosy karate girl. _

_The problem with Conan-kun's guardian, Mouri-san, was that she reminded me severely of the angel in my dream. She wasn't her, of that I was sure. The angel's face was engraved in my mind. But something about this girl made me want to think of her very highly. Another part of me was utterly annoyed that I had to be put through this just for her. _

"Can you say something in English?" _I looked over at Suzuki-san as she shamelessly listened intently for my reply. I couldn't think of what to say until some phrase came to my head._

"**We can be both of God and the devil. Since we're trying to raise the dead against the stream of time." **_I don't know where I'd heard the phrase, but once it rolled off of my tongue, I shivered violently. The girls didn't seem to notice as Suzuki-san clapped and Mouri-san smiled. Such a disturbing phrase had left my mouth, but they were obliviously pleased by my English. I pushed the words to the abyss of my thoughts. _

"Say, Gray-san, didn't you just..." _Mouri-san paused, blushing from embarrassment. I raised my eyebrows in an attempt to encourage her to finish. Even though she would probably be throwing more questions my way, I couldn't help but feel an unending kindness toward her. _"Maybe I'm wrong but... did you just say something about raising the dead?" _I had hoped it had slipped from their minds, but apparently she had been trying to translate in her head. I shrugged, hating that we both had the same question._

"It's just a phrase that someone said in a book." _Her eyes lit up and the words left her mouth before she realized._

"Sherlock Holmes!" _Her face got red. I forced myself to contain a laugh. Suzuki-san, however, burst out into laughter._

"Not everyone who quotes books is your Holmes maniac husband!" _My eyes widened. She had a husband? Conan-kun should be moping intensely at that news._

"Shinichi isn't my husband!" _Ran yelled back, a bit of a whiny pitch that made me cringe. It seemed like Suzuki-san and Mouri-san had this conversation a lot. _

"Shinichi?" _I asked, just knowing that this was the oh-so-innocent Conan-kun waiting at home to watch me like a hawk. Ran smiled, still a faint blush on her cheeks._

"He's a highschool detective, Kudo Shinichi. He goes to our school, but you won't get to meet him today. He's been off on a case recently." _I heard her voice drop to a sadness that somehow twisted something inside of me. Suddenly, I felt extreme guilt overcome me. _

"I'm sorry..." _I said softly, as if it had been my fault that he was gone. She looked up in surprise, then shook her head. _

"Anyway, he's just a Holmes freak. Look, the school's right up ahead." _I followed her gaze and found that we were about to join a mass of other people wearing blue uniforms. Apparently I had been somehow conveniently placed in the same class as Mouri-san and Suzuki-san. When we walked in, they led me to the teachers' room and left me to deal with my homeroom teacher. _

"**Can you understand Japanese?" **_She asked, thickly accented words having a bit of trouble leaving her mouth. I smiled and nodded._

"Yes, I can understand, speak, and write Japanese." _I saw visible relief on her face as she nodded. _

"Your Japanese is very good!" _She praised me, obviously surprised. I smiled in return and waited on her to get her papers together. I followed her out of the teachers' room and down the hallway, an unpleasantly familiar feeling about it. _

_Suddenly the pain that had gone ignored took a hold of me. Every step I took became shaky, and I felt like I was walking alongside reality and some warped world. Flashes of another scene interrupted reality._

_I was short again, following behind the teacher, only reaching up to her hips. Then I was me again, following the trail of her slightly bouncing head. As the door opened, the discrepancy happened again. The room, full of young students. My eyes fixated on a young Edogawa Conan, sure of his identity as Kudo Shinichi. The fearful anticipation. The words of the teacher brought me back again, seeing the room full of teenagers. The now-familiar faces of Mouri-san and Suzuki-san. I heard the chalk striking the board. "Haibara Ai."_

"Helen Gray. She's a temporary transfer from America." _My head hurt. I felt dizzy as all those eyes looked at me, expecting something. I guess this was where I was supposed to introduce myself. Hadn't she just written my name? The room began to spin. _"Would you like to tell us anything about yourself?" _I heard the teacher, hoping to direct me in the traditional way of introducing new students. I tried a smile, but I don't think it came across quite right._

"I'm Helen Gray, a temporary transfer from America." _There was an expectant pause in the air, so I finished with words best withheld. _"I probably won't be here long, so don't worry about getting to know me." _My tone was bitter, and many of the students seemed taken aback by my sudden comment. Others made annoyed faces. Mouri-san, however, seemed concerned. The teacher regained herself after my words._

"Well... there's an empty seat over near Mouri-san. Mouri-san, please take good care of her." _Mouri-san nodded and I found myself walking down the isle. Once again, the images flashed through my mind as I passed by a nearby desk, suddenly shorter. Kojima-kun pulling out a chair to the seat next to him as I boldly strolled by. My eyes straight ahead, knowing my target. I would sit next to him, the boy who was also much older. I took my seat near Mouri-san and smiled weakly at her. My head was pounding and the dizzy feeling still hadn't left me. _

_Mouri-san looked like she had wanted to say something, but murmuring was filling the room._

"Wouldn't Kudo be pleased to know there's a hot foreign girl sitting in his seat right now?"

"No way, man, not that girl. Did you hear what she said? Not cute at all."

"Do you think she's just nervous?"

_The words ceased as the teacher demanded attention at the front. I tried with all that I had to pay attention, but I kept having things that I had a feeling were flashbacks. Every five minutes the classroom would change to the first grade class. Every time it did, it became harder to remember reality. I closed my eyes. It hurt to keep them open. _

"Gray-san, can you answer this question?" _The teacher interrupted my momentary rest with a seemingly patient question. They had been teaching some sort of math, and the chalk was being held out towards me from the front. A part of me became arrogant. That equation? Only a child would find that even remotely difficult. I didn't even stand up. A smirk that I'm sure would more likely belong on Conan-kun's face found its way on mine._

"Negative twenty four." _My voice was cold. The teacher looked down at their book and back up at me. The hand holding the chalk lowered as a surprised smile formed on her lips. _

"Correct! Good job, Gray-san." _I noticed mixed emotions coming from the students, and suddenly a more violent memory pressed itself into my reality. _

"_That girl? She doesn't belong here. She's just some foreign brat with money. Why doesn't she go back to her own country?"_

"_You think you're so smart? Look around you! Everyone hates you. You have no friends. Why are you still here?" _

_I found it difficult to suppress the sudden emotions that had stirred up inside. Who said that? Why? What had I done wrong? I began to breathe quickly, a panic setting in on me. I didn't like this. _

_I flinched when a hand landed gently on my shoulder. The angel look-alike smiled kindly at me, reassuring me in my state of panic. I smiled back, taking in slower, deeper breaths. _

_For the rest of class, I spaced out. Every time a new teacher entered, they only taught things that were simplistic. I had nothing better to do than to stare around at people, trying to figure out what kind of people they were. I knew it wouldn't benefit me much at all, but it was better than trying to figure out what kind of person I was. _

_The bell rang, bringing me out of my daydream state once again. Mouri-san was suddenly in front of me. _

"Gray-san, you can come with me. I have an extra set of gym clothes." _It took me a moment to realize that we had to go engage in needless physical activities. I nodded and followed her._

_With Mouri-san's borrowed gym uniform, I joined everyone else on the track. _

"Alright everyone, jog five laps!" _A part of me wondered if the teacher just randomly came up with that just now. We all began to jog, or at least most of us did. Some people didn't even try to look like they were going to and walked. Others were over-achievers, probably those involved in track. The rest of us were going at an easy jog. I decided to try to stick with Mouri-san. Suzuki-san was trailing behind. _

"Ran! Why are you so fast?" _Suzuki-san cried out in half-breathless agony. Mouri-san just looked amused, continuing to go the same pace. I matched stride with her silently, watching her. _

_The wretched reality lapse occurred once again. Now I was alongside Conan-kun, smiling just beyond a smirk. "I'll run with you." I offered. _

_Once I came back to the real reality, I found myself falling behind, and caught up. Ran looked at me, a playful look in her eyes as she sped up. I sped up as well, and soon we were all-out running against each other. We passed other students and avoided running into those who were either once leading the group or some we were severely lapping. A smile crept onto my face. Somehow this was... fun. Just as I thought that, a constricting pain raced through my body. I felt dizzy again, and the world began to spin. But I didn't want to make it noticeable. If I stopped running with Mouri-san and rested it would be obvious. This was the only time I'd had actual fun since I could remember. She was smiling competitively as well, sweat pouring down her face just as it was mine. The fun ended abruptly with a final sharp pain to my chest._

_The spinning world finally got the better of me and I fell, turning in an awkward fashion, scraping up my legs, side, and face when my head hit the ground. My heart's pounding filled my ears as I stared blankly at the ground beside me. A shoe replaced the track and I could hear Mouri-san saying something._

_For the millionth time it seemed, I lost consciousness._

* * *

_I opened my eyes to find myself in the nurse's office. _

"Gray-san!" _Mouri-san said, concern evident on her face. I sat up, ignoring the nauseous feeling that hit me. _

"Sorry, I guess I lost footing..." _I smiled, trying to stop her from being so concerned about me. She wasn't convinced._

"The nurse says she's not sure what's wrong, but it's possible that you got a concussion from hitting the ground." _There seemed to be something else she wanted to add, but she kept it to herself. I shook my head and smiled, desperate to get the worried look off of her face._

"No, I'm fine, Mouri-san. I just got too caught up. Is class over?" _I asked, hoping that the subject change would do some good. She nodded._

"School ended about twenty minutes ago. I actually am supposed to be practicing with the karate club right now..." _She trailed off, as if she was just now noticing what she was supposed to be doing now. Then she looked up and shook her head. _"Not that it's bad that I'm with you! I didn't mean it like that... Do you think you're able to get up? I'll take you to Agasa-hakase's." _I swung my legs over the bed. I noticed the bag that I had brought was lying on the little table next to the bed. Alongside it was my uniform, neatly folded. I smiled and picked the bag up. It was heavier, probably from books and assignments that I needed for homework. I stood, and she did the same._

"Do you want to change before you go?" _She asked. I looked back over at the uniform, then at myself. I'd rather not wear that uniform more than absolutely necessary, but wearing a gym outfit seemed worse. I nodded and she stepped back as I pulled the curtain around. I changed out my clothes and re-opened the curtain. _

_She was waiting patiently, her back turned to me. I held onto the gym clothes knowing that it would only be right for me to take them home and wash them. She turned to me, but I cut her off before she said anything._

"Don't worry about taking me. I can go home myself. You get to your club activities." _She protested._

"I can't let you go by yourself! You need someone with you!" _Knowing that the only way to get her to give up was to be annoyed by her helping me, I gave her a half-hearted glare that immediately shut her down._

"I don't like being looked down on. Thank you, but no thank you, Mouri-san." _I said coldly. I could hear her breath catch, and I knew that I probably just hurt her. But if I didn't, I'd be distracting her from what was important. Plus, if she went with me, she might tell the old man and Conan-kun what had happened. I didn't want them to realize that I was weaker than I seemed._

_I walked quickly out the door, refusing to give her time to get brave and help me anyway. I practically jogged down the hallway, scared that she'd come out, shouting for me to wait up and that she insisted. I couldn't handle that today._

_I made my way off campus and to a light, waiting for the signal to go. I pushed the painful feelings away. My body had been thrown to and fro much too easily because I was giving in. If I just ignored it then... When I quit spacing out, I realized the blinking green light. I didn't have much time to make it across. Right when I stepped out, I knew it was the wrong choice. Everything in my body felt off and I fell again, this time just to my knees. I couldn't handle this. Suddenly I felt something hit me on the back of my head._

"So very weak, Sherry."

* * *

**So... was this any more interesting? I know you all didn't really care for the last chapter, but sometimes people have to make transitions. And sometimes they like Akemi a lot and think she should be alive, but like to use her position as dead for sentimental value or something. Yeah. Anyway, if you read this chapter, please review it.. 'cause if it's crappy, I need to know.

**Wonderstruck – **The dream was probably my best stab at action that chapter.. sorry XD I hope that this has enough action for you...

**Mew Shiny – **Yeah... Much worse, actually.. Hope you liked this chapter :3 Tell me your thoughts!

**Roxifoxi** – You're welcome :D Thank you! Did you like this chapter?

If you're stalking this story... Please review? Yes, I'm talking to you. You.**


	10. Foreigners

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. If you do, however, I would greatly appreciate it if we could have lunch some time.

Chapter 10 - Foreigners

"How does it feel?" _The question met me the moment I began to open my eyes. It felt as though I had only closed them for a moment and I was already back to the real world. Thankfully. I couldn't stand being locked in the world of my dreams. People I didn't even know were familiar to me and my inability to remember everything was often thrown in my face. I stayed silent to the question, not sure what the question was about. _"It seems that your body isn't agreeing with whatever you took." _The voice continued. My mind unfortunately began to piece together the words. It made sense, didn't it?_

_If there was a large possibility that I would die from taking this drug, it's possible that it was reacting with my body. I had been feeling such pain and having so many vivid memories, or visions, or whatever they were. I was weak, and part of me began to fear if that meant that I was somehow dying in this form. My silence prompted yet another comment._

"Whatever you took to lose your memory is probably reacting with whatever you took to get back into your older form. How does it feel? To be at the mercy of some unknown drug?" _What I took to lose my memory? Why hadn't that occurred to me? There was a high possibility that I had caused my own memory loss, wasn't there? Was it because of my murderous tendencies? Or was that even relevant anymore? Another thought occurred to me._

"You don't want him to know about me being in that child form..." _I said aloud, listening intently for some sound that she might make in response. The blonde made an amused noise._

"Well, aren't you the genius like usual? That's why I picked you up for this little ride. I couldn't tell you to make sure Conan-kun was in his older form when he is brought before us in front of him. Do you think you can handle it?" _Concern was lacking from her voice. I wondered briefly why she didn't want this known, but a part of me felt guilty. The way she had spoken earlier... it was full of spite. As if she was saying 'How does it feel to take a dose of your own medicine'. What had I done to my friend? Why did she still stick around? _

"I'll get it done." _I sat up in the backseat, which was becoming a rather familiar scene. I grabbed my bag and opened one of the compartments. I had to have a mini war with Conan-kun to be able to locate the missing bottle and to receive these pills. All I had to do, of course, was mention the probability that I would turn into a child in front of everyone at school. That made him cough up a few pills. I looked up to see her eyes looking in the mirror back at me._

"You're also smart enough to know that if you cause yourself to be in that body longer, it's very possible that you'll be going through the problem you had today more often." _I smiled. She continued._"You can just go back and wait until you're ready to bring the detective to us to go back to your full form." _I took the pill in my hand. Even as I had been in the back seat, I was feeling the burning that had crept into my bones when I had grown. I felt my heart racing, and sweat starting to pour down my neck. _

"If Gin happened to see me when I'm younger, that'd bring you problems, right?" _I noticed her shock as I took the pill, once again forcing it down my throat without any liquid. She seemed interested for a moment, then turned her eyes back expressionlessly to the road. A part of me was pleased to see that I had done something to help her. I ignored the different kind of pain that came through. I could only hope that it wouldn't hurt as bad since I was still in my older form. _

_Thankfully I was right, and the pain ceased after a few minutes. Vermouth took me around town in silence before dropping me off in middle of a busy area. I practically jumped out of the car and she didn't hesitate to move the vehicle on, so that it seemed I had been walking the same as everyone else along the busy sidewalk. _

_I clutched onto the now-dirtied gym clothes and my bag. I was clueless once again as to where to go. No one had exactly showed me around town and the few times I had made my way to and from this place, I had someone to follow. How did I forget to simply ask questions? This was nowhere near the shop I had gotten my clothes at. I didn't see the internet cafe. I decided walking around would eventually get me somewhere sensible._

_I think that's what all lost people say. They think, 'gee, I don't know where I'm at. But you know, it'd be weird to ask directions. Surely if I keep walking around aimlessly I'll become found somehow. I'll recognize everything.' And that's how people get more lost._

_It was getting dark. I don't think I was anywhere near home now. I had walked through several different areas of the city and even walked through neighborhoods. Now I was just walking. I don't know what to call this. It was... somewhere. There was a gas station. A few vending machines. Walls. I guess that meant there was a neighborhood or whatnot. I sighed. My entire body was aching from the day's events. I leaned up against the wall. I didn't really have a way to get home. I didn't know my address. I had no idea what number to call._

_As I wallowed in self-pity, I felt a pair of eyes on me. I searched for the culprit and found yet another foreigner. She saw me look back and she waved, a smile on her face. I didn't respond, not knowing who she was._

"**Hi~"** _Her voice was a bit strange, but otherwise welcoming. She came up to me. _**"Are you lost?" **_I tried to return a smile but I don't think my distrust was hidden very well. She didn't seem to mind, though._

"**A little..." **_Her eyes narrowed for just a second when she heard my voice, then returned back to her happy expression. _

"**Do you want to come inside for a little bit? I'm on my way home, and maybe we can get you back where you need to go after a bit of a rest." **_Finding that there was not much of any other choice, I followed her silently. We walked further down to a large apartment building. After taking a ride on the elevator to one of the highest floors, she led me to her apartment and let me in. _**"I have... well mostly I have alcohol and tea. Unless you like juice..." **_That was pretty straightforward... _

"**I'll be fine with some tea. Thank you..." **_I slipped out of my shoes and into a pair of guest slippers that she just placed in front of me. She walked off to the kitchen, so I followed her. The small place soon proved to be a place for awkwardness to thrive, and she shooed me to the living room._

"**Here you go." **_She said, setting down a cup of tea in front of me. She had one for herself as she sat across from me. _**"So where is your house?" **_I shook my head. She raised an eyebrow. _**"Did you run away from home?" **_I shook my head again. She seemed a bit relieved. _**"I understand if you don't trust me with your address, but if I'm going to help you, I need something to work with. You're from Teitan High School, right?" **_I panicked for a moment, wondering how she had known. But then I realized that I was still wearing my uniform. I nodded._

"**If you could drop me off at Teitan Elementary I could get home from there. It's closer to my house than the high school." **_The woman quietly nodded. I stared at my tea, hoping that I could get through this and home fast. Even though that place was a prison, I knew it was the closest thing to a place to call home. Being amongst strangers so much was making me lose my patience. _

"So, who are you exactly?" _I jumped. She changed to perfectly good Japanese as well as a tone that screamed suspicion. _

"I could ask you the same." _I replied. I didn't really know the answer yet, anyway. My situation and the flashbacks didn't add up all the way and it just left me more confused. She smiled and clapped her hands._

"Oh! I forgot! I'm sorry! How rude of me not to introduce myself. I'm Jodie Santimillion. But you already know that, don't you." _Crap. I was supposed to know this person? I had a bad feeling that her and I knew each other from when I wasn't this old, considering her unending curiosity. _"You're really the same, aren't you? The little girl and the young woman from the picture." _My heart was racing. What was she talking about? Her face was …_

_The gun, pointed right at me. Conan-kun, unconscious. This lady... injured against the car next to him. Me, breathing hard. Putting my glasses in my pocket._

"Are you okay? Is something going on again?" _She snapped me out of my continuation of the dream I had before. If she was next to Conan-kun, was she the enemy, too? But the person with the gun was pointing it at me, and I was afraid. Perhaps we were all on the same side for a day. Whoever was going around shooting people wasn't my friend nor theirs. But she seemed concerned, and it sounded like she knew something that she probably shouldn't. _

"You and I... know each other. So you know where I live already." _My reasoning aloud brought her slight confusion, then she followed. She took my words as a means to shut her up and hurry along the process. The woman grabbed her keys and began to stand up. _

"Then I guess I'll take you home..." _Part of me froze. What if... she was the third party that I needed? What if she wasn't on either side? I opened my mouth to stop her. _"But if you need me to protect you from her, you can count on me. I couldn't imagine you'd actually be the young woman in the picture, but it makes perfect sense now. Despite how you got from child to adult and back again..." _Her? Was she possibly talking about Vermouth? It would figure that Conan-kun would be friends with my last hope. I got up, shoving the thoughts of stopping her and making her tell me everything away. _

_Just as she locked the door, the lights went out. I gasped, surprised by the sudden occurrence. Santimillion-san didn't seem to fazed and the glow of emergency lighting lit everything up from a pitch black to a dark gray. _

"We can just use the stairs. They're right over here, follow me." _I followed her carefully as we both made a much slower-than-normal descent down the stairs. The exit lights gave us a pretty good idea of what we were facing, but I wasn't about to run blindly down stairs. I was thankful for the woman offering to continue our trip. I didn't want to be here any longer and if going down way too many flights of stairs was the only way out, I was all for it. _

_Finally, we reached the lobby. It was then when the lights flickered back on and we noticed the elevators begin to go back into commission. There was a girl with freckles and a wide-eyed look on her face standing near the elevators, almost as if she hadn't moved since the lights had gone out. I followed Santimillion-san past the girl. We reached the door right as we heard a scream that sent chills up my spine. Both of us spun around, looking for the reason for the scream._

_The girl with freckles must've been the one who screamed as she was staring at a woman who was attempting to exit the elevator. Both of us ran up to the woman who was teetering out. She got past the doors just before they closed on her. _

_I noticed what was on her hands. Her arms. Her clothes. Her face. It made me feel light headed. Her words did even more so._

"He's... He's dead!" _The woman fell to her knees, shock and pain both evident on her face. I went up to her, feeling an intense empathy for her. I gently placed my hand on her shoulder. _

"Are you hurt?" _I asked, almost assuming that the blood had belonged to her and that there was some murderer killing her and whoever 'he' was. She shook her head, then muttered something else aloud. _"It's my fault. It's all my fault." _I crouched down next to her, trying to see past the panic. I could tell she felt guilt, shock, and pain. But there was no malice there. If this was what I was beginning to fear, she couldn't be the cause, not directly. I looked directly in her eyes._

"No, it's not your fault." _My voice was gentle. Fresh tears poured down her face and she suddenly hugged me, sobbing. I looked up over her shoulder. I could faintly hear Santimillion-san's instruction to the girl who had screamed._

"Aya-san, please call the police and tell them to get an ambulance. I'll try to see if we can make sure this elevator stays here." _My eyes then followed her as she went up to the front desk, where a young woman was being very unhelpful by staring in shock at everything until Santimillion-san asked her to see what she could do about stopping the elevator. I noticed the girl, called Aya-san, finish her first phone call, then dial a longer number and begin quietly speaking on the phone with someone. I wondered who she might be calling during such an emergency, but the woman now in my arms made a loud sniffling noise and gave a half-hearted attempt to stop hugging me._

"I'm so sorry..." _Her apology seemed to be for multiple things, two of which most likely being hugging me and getting my uniform bloody. I shook my head, then took a hold of her hand. I spotted a chair not far from where we were standing. _

"Here, come sit down." _I said softly, helping the trembling woman over to the seat. She sat down, but seemed hopelessly unable to do anything beyond that. I felt the urge to take care of her. I pulled out a handkerchief that I had in my bag. _"Let's get you cleaned up..." _I began to wipe the blood from her face in silence. _

"Gray-san!" _My hand stopped, frozen as I heard an all-too-familiar voice. Why was she here? I handed the handkerchief to the woman and she smiled as much as she could at the moment and began absentmindedly continuing what I had started. I stood up and turned to Mouri-san, who immediately gasped when she saw blood all over my uniform. _"What happened? Aya-san called me and asked me to bring my dad and that there was a murder... Why is there blood all over you? Are you okay?" _I smiled and looked down again at my bloodstained clothes. _

"I'm perfectly fine, Mouri-san. I was just helping the lady over here..." _It was then that I felt an evil glare._

_Oh great. Not that person._

**Yeah, so I kind of wrote myself into a case. But, no fear! My lame brain cannot possibly contain a good case, but I'm utilizing someone else's (if they let me use their brainpower, I will give you their name next chapter). This one probably isn't a favorite, but I promise the plot will move further once this case is out of the way. (In true DC fashion, of course.)

**MewShiny –** Probably... probably... a good thing.. XD It does help her with second-guessing her assumptions. No.. she didn't :/ Thanks :DD Let me know your thoughts on this one, please~

**MiladyRose – **Thank you so much! XDDD Yes, you know I had to add that there.. Tell me what you think about this chapter!

**Roxifoxi –** Thank you! I'm so glad you loved it! ^/^ Thanks for such nice comments! But I'm sure Gosho would do better XD And I'm glad you liked the dream! That was my personal favorite from my recent chapters to write XD Hope you like this chapter too!

I love you guys, just so you know. Only about five? Chapters left. Please review! New readers are always appreciated~ Jussayin.**


	11. Case of Emotions

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. I also do not own the confusion I'm about to cause you.

By the way, the only parts of this entire story that make sense are thanks to Tonsostuff who let me use her idea for a murder :) Go check her out 'cause she's an awesome DC fanfic writer~

Chapter 11 – The Case of Emotions

_It didn't take long for "Helen-onee-san come help me with blahlblahblah" to take place and in moments I was stuck standing the furthest away from anyone with an evil child. Somehow, his dark-skinned friend was still around even though I hadn't seen him recently. The only reason Conan-kun took the time to lecture me in a corner was because he was using Hattori-san (he finally gave his name after I asked why Mr. Pervert was here) to inspect the scene._

"Haibara! What are you doing here? Hakase was really worried about you because you hadn't come home. I tried to get answers out of Ran, but she just said that you had a rough first day. And why do you have blood all over your uniform?" _Much like a child, I sighed and crossed my arms, bored with the teenager-turned-kid's lecture._

"What is this, twenty questions? I just happened to run into Santimillion-san and she was about to take me back home when this happened." _He gave me a suspicious look, then almost seemed impatient as he was waiting for more answers. When I gave him a "What?" look, he pointed at my uniform. _"I was just helping the woman over there."

_I was not expecting his reaction in the least. He gave me the ugliest, angriest scowl I had ever seen. It's not like I couldn't just take it to the dry cleaners or something. But then he raised his voice, his quivering mouth no longer able to contain his anger._

"You came in that much direct contact with a suspect? Are you an idiot? What if she had evidence on her clothes? Do you understand what you've done? You could've just compromised justice in this case." _His words were hurtful. I glared at him._

"What do you know about justice? If you're such a great detective, then you should be able to figure out what happened without everyone staying perfectly the same! How could you expect her to just stand there with blood all over her? You're the idiot!" _My voice had raised as well, and in my anger and annoyance, it was hitting some pretty high pitches. I continued, not about to give up my stance. He wasn't going to set off on me and just get away with it. _"Plus, there's no way she's the one who did it! Why would you even consider her a suspect!" _I believe I invoked something much akin to fury._

"And now you're making foolish assumptions! How do you know that she's not? Do you have proof? You can't just believe everything someone says!" _I was ready to open my mouth to retort when suddenly a different and more dangerous feeling hit me. I saw Conan-kun's face drain of color._

"Conan-kun. What. Do. You. Think. You're. Doing?" _A sweet but completely evil and barely under control sentence came from behind me. I felt my own self pale a little as Mouri-san came up to Conan-kun and cracked her knuckles. _"You need to respect those older than you, Conan-kun. Now say sorry." _She had stopped chopping up her words, but the tone was still very dark. He swallowed nervously._

"Sorry, Helen-onee-san..." _He squeaked. I would've laughed if Ran wasn't there looking like she was dying to use her karate skills on someone. She suddenly stood next to him and, taking his head, bowed and pushed his down so he'd do the same. _

"I'm so sorry!" _Her tone had completely changed into a sweet apology. I heard Conan-kun repeat what she said in a mumble. They stood back up and I shook my head._

"No, it's alright..." _I said softly, then waited for Mouri-san to tote Conan-kun off with her. I breathed a sigh of relief. We had been so loud that Mouri-san had noticed and come over to us. It was a wonder that no one suspected anything with the words we were saying. I heard a snicker near my ear, making me jump and spin around, half ready to use whatever skills I might possess. It was Mr. Per- I mean, Hattori-san._

"A kid is still a kid, after all." _He snickered some more. I wasn't sure if he was just referring to Kudo-kun or the both of us. I frowned._

"And what are you so amused about? You're being used by said kid to do his job for him." _He smirked. _

"Easy there. I'll solve this case before him. I have a reputation to keep as the Detective of the West!" _I gave him a blank stare. It quickly tore his ego down as he stared back at me incredulously. _"What, you didn't know that? I'm the famous high school detective, Hattori Heiji!" _Somehow, the notion that this kid was a 'famous' detective amused me to no end. I began to snicker._

"Yeah right, don't kid yourself. With that kind of poor speech? Now if you'll excuse me." _I walked past him as he muttered things to himself. I knew he was just speaking in a Kansai dialect, but I couldn't help but jab his ego a bit. All these self-proclaimed detectives were a pain._

_By the time I returned to the rest of the group, the first woman was standing next to another woman and a young man in front of a fat man in a getup that I figured meant he was an inspector. Mouri-san was standing nearby, talking with the girl with freckles._

"I tried to bring my dad, but he was really sick and couldn't make it. I figured I'd come and try to be of some help, but since Hattori-kun has been staying in the area I think he'll be able to help." _The girl with freckles nodded._

_I noticed Conan-kun snooping around the elevator, and decided I would get involved with this case, too. He wasn't going to pretend to be the best and pull of a load of crap on my watch. I moved closer and began to listen in on the questioning._

"...the lights were out for about ten minutes. The only way to get anywhere was by the stairs." _I heard another detective say in a low voice to the man I guessed was the inspector. The older man nodded._

"I can't believe he committed suicide..." _The young man who was standing with the women said aloud. He got an ugly look from the woman next to him._

"You're probably glad that he did!" _The young man was startled and jumped a little. He opened his mouth and was ready to say something when the third person, the woman I had helped, interjected._

"Please, stop! Daichi-san is... he's dead because of me!" _I felt the urge to move toward her and put an arm around her to comfort her, but I resisted. The others around her looked surprised. She continued. _"He wanted me to go out with him again after he had cheated on me! 'I can't live without you', he said. But I told him that there was no way I'd ever even consider it... then the lights went out. I have heart problems and have a bit of claustrophobia, so when I got scared I fainted. When I woke up again, the lights were on and he was lying there with blood pouring from his neck. I tried to stop it but..." _She was trembling and cried again. Everyone remained silent for awhile._

"Then... he committed suicide because his ex-girlfriend wouldn't take him back. I know this is a sensitive issue and everything, but I need to get to sleep. I have to deal with the office tomorrow with no doubt that we'll be receiving plenty of phone calls about the manager's death." _By his words, I figured that the young man was probably someone who worked under the dead man. The woman who I had yet to gather much from spoke next._

"If he's going, then I need to go, too." _The inspector frowned._

"We need to finish our investigation before we let you go." _The two who were hasty to leave scowled._

"What, you think this was a murder? If it was, why don't you look at her? She's the one who was in there with him!" _The woman who was now being more of a loud mouth exclaimed. The man nodded in agreement._

"Whatever happened, he died because of her." _I found it hard to keep my anger controlled. I knew that it wasn't her. She was too upset by it. She was still shaking, probably living a nightmare right now. Somehow, I believed I knew how that felt. _

"It's not impossible for either of you to have managed to kill him." _Why did I say that? Now they all turned to me. The woman and the man that were dying to leave glared at me, much in an offended manner. The inspector-looking man gave me a dirty look without spite, and the detective next to him seemed simply surprised. _

"And who, though I'm sure I will regret asking, are you?" _The inspector man asked. I suddenly felt self conscious. It was at that moment, when my mouth had not moved, I heard my voice._

"Gray Helen, a detective." _Did... Did I just speak? I was sure I hadn't moved my mouth. I didn't know what to say! As everyone stared at me, having similar thoughts, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Conan-kun. He had a red bow-tie up to his mouth. Out of nowhere, Hattori-san practically shoved Conan-kun over. _

"Ha! You? A detective?" _I watched as his better judgment, possibly helped along by a hard nudge from Conan-kun's elbow into the leg, came through. _"Anyway, what this girl said is true; it's not impossible for you two to have done it. No matter how unlikely it was." _I had a feeling that these two detectives were against me in this. As if coming to the rescue, an older man who had CSI printed on his clothing came up. _

"It seems that these detectives are right. This was likely not a suicide. The way the cut was made would be unnatural for someone who was stabbing themselves to make. It looks like someone came from behind and cut the carotid artery." _He pulled recently printed photos and showed them to the detective and the inspector, pointing to the wound and reenacting the motions to create the cut. _"It also looks as though someone had pried open the elevator doors and kept them open with this metal bar." _He held up a bagged metal bar. Conan-kun and Hattori-san had intrigued expressions on their faces. All it proved to me is that somehow, one of these two had gotten in and killed the man. I overheard the two high school detectives talking to each other._

"It's possible that it was set up to seem like someone had come and gone."

"But why was that necessary? If she had that kind of chance to leave him there, why would she stay and not leave?"

"Maybe it was to give us a predicament much like this."

"It is true that the elevator was stopped when it was at the seventh floor."

_I moved a little closer to the two. _"So, do you think you have the answer?" _They both jumped a little, somehow having already forgotten that I was right there. Conan-kun glared at me, possibly from the problem I caused him earlier. It wasn't like he didn't start it in the first place. _

"Well, we need to look at who could've done it. The police should be asking about alibis right about now." _I followed the direction of his gaze and found that he was right._

"So, Kanmuri-san, where were you at about 9:15 pm?" _The young man, Kanmuri-san, crossed his arms._

"I wouldn't kill my boss. I was at the vending machine down the street, getting some drinks so I could stay up and work on a project for work." _Wasn't he just wanting to go to sleep? Why did he say he wanted to stay up?_

"And you, Amuno-san?" _The woman called Amuno-san had her dark brown hair in a ponytail, a look that I didn't think quite fit her. She had a smaller build than the other girl, but she seemed much like a person who would succeed as a lawyer. _

"I was in my room." _The detective helping the inspector man wrote something down, then brought in another question._

"Is there anyone who can confirm that?" _She nodded._

"My friend was on a video call with me from my computer in my room. You can ask her if you want."_ The detective nodded slowly. _

"When did you get on video call? The power went out for about ten minutes, after all." _Amuno-san glared._

"I had started calling her right before the power went out. I waited in my room until the power came back and I started my computer up and called again. We always chat around nine." _The detective continued writing. _

_No one bothered to ask the last woman, as it was obvious where she had been. Everyone was silently processing information in their heads. _

"Amuno-san, what floor do you live on?" _The inspector man asked. _

"Twentieth." _She answered, a smug look on her face._

"And you, Kanmuri-san?" _He looked to the side, almost as if he had realized he was in a bad situation._

"Eighth." _The inspector man nodded gravely. I heard Hattori-san speak up._

"So basically, if what this lady over here says is true, the one more likely able to make it to where they needed to be was Kanmuri-san. Not only is he strong enough to subdue the victim when he realized he was being attacked, he could've easily killed him on his way out. That is, of course, if the culprit was able to control when the power went out." _Everyone accepted his words. Again, one of the many investigators came to help the situation._

"It seems that there was a device on the breaker that would set off whenever pressed. It's an interceptor that could be easily purchased and put together. We've seen plenty of these in cases." _I kept looking over at the woman who had been in the elevator with 'Daichi-san'. She still looked like she wasn't quite prepared to overcome her fears. I decided to go over to her, and I put a hand gently on her shoulder. _

"You can't... keep blaming yourself." _The words were heartfelt, I knew. What I was drawing from, I wasn't sure. I don't know what I had blamed myself for, or why I felt like her and I were much alike. But it didn't matter then. She looked up at me weakly trying to show her thanks. I stood by her as the detectives, both professional and highschoolers, talked amongst themselves. _

"That makes no sense! Why would I kill my boss?" _Kanmuri-san shouted, making the girl beneath my hand flinch. _

"You always complained about how he worked you too hard and took all the credit for your projects!" _Amuno-san yelled back, her face a bit too smug for my liking. Kanmuri-san wasn't about to go down without a fight this round._

"I'm not the only one who could've done it! You might be small, but you're dangerous when you fight! And you have plenty of motive. You were the one he cheated on Ami-chan with! I bet you were angry when he broke up with you so he could go beg for her to return to him." _I could feel her shaking. I could only guess that she was the 'Ami-chan' he was referring to._

"I couldn't possibly overpower Daichi-san if he saw me coming." _They both had a glaring match. _"Then again, why do I have to prove myself? It's obvious that Ami-san did it. She's the only one who could've." _The anger inside me was something I could no longer contain. It felt like I was speaking up when I normally would not have been able to. Almost like... I had to be her voice._

"Someone with this kind of grief couldn't have killed him." _I hissed, my voice strangely cool. I noticed Conan-kun send me a glare and Hattori-san looked rather arrogant as he looked my way. Amuno-san gave me a self-satisfied look, one that screamed "I'm superior to you"._

"Ha! You believe that? She's an actress. She could convince any poor gullible girl that she was innocent." _The shaking was more violent. _

_She's like me. Someone no one could believe. Someone too afraid to say anything, to fight. Ready to blame herself before fighting for the honest answer. Even if she tried, she'd be pushed down. It hurts._

"That's..." _I looked down at the young woman. I think she ran out of tears to cry. _

"Can't say anything, can you? I knew you were a-"

"Shut your trap." _I said angrily. Even the bigmouth woman seemed surprised. The whole area seemed to freeze. _"She's trying to speak." _I finished, a little quieter than before. I heard Kanmuri-san mutter something about foreigners._

"I... did used to be an actress. But my heart condition... I couldn't keep up with the demands and no one would hire a girl who would constantly faint on set... But Daichi-san... he believed in me..." _She closed her eyes, pain evident on her face. There were still a few tears that managed to slip down her cheeks. I caught the look on Conan-kun's face and knew that he was trying to send me a "why did you get emotionally involved in this" message. I ignored him and gently patted the girl on the back, still attempting to comfort her._

_A younger girl came running through the crowd of people gathered about and hugged Ami-san. _"Onee-san!" _I heard her muffled cry. I stepped back, letting the younger sister be Ami-san's comfort. The scene reminded me of the angel from my dream. Suddenly, I felt a tug on my hand._

"Neh, Helen-onee-san, can you come here for a minute?" _I thought for a second about hitting him upside the head and telling him that I didn't want to hear another lecture. But with the serious expression the proud Hattori-san had on his face and the undertone in Conan-kun's voice, I followed._

"What?" _He looked at me with eyes that cut through me._

"Go home." _I flinched. _

"Why? Are you afraid I'll see you fail to solve a case?" _He shook his head slowly._

"Haibara... you can't do this. She's not you. There's a high possibility that she did kill him. Hattori and I will continue investigating and will let you know what happened later." _I glared, anger flaring up in me. _

"You can't see the truth! You just keep discarding what I have to say as foolish. I know... I know when people are..." _I stopped. That wasn't true. I didn't know when people were lying to me. The honesty that I saw in Ami-san's eyes could not be found in Vermouth's or Gin's. _"She's not lying." _I began to walk off, out through the doors to cool off before I started a yelling match with a child again. Santimillion-san was out there, too, along with Mouri-san and the girl with freckles. _

"Sensei! I thought you were long gone to America!" _I overheard Mouri-san exclaim. I sighed and walked toward the other side of the building. I didn't want to be a part of their conversation or anything of the sort. I just wanted... I just wanted everything to be right._

"He's trying to protect you, ya know." _I looked over at Hattori-san, who had apparently followed me. _"He'll get to the truth either way. But right now it seems that Ami-san is the most likely suspect. He doesn't want you hurt. He doesn't want to have to work between hurting you and revealing the truth. So... it'd be best if you did go home." _His voice was somber. I bit my lip, surprised to hear that he'd want to protect me. From the situation, I could only see that as truth. His intentions... seemed innocent. Hattori-san then left me in peace._

_I went back inside, despite warnings not to. I wouldn't get hurt... I wouldn't. _

"Even if I used to be a gymnast, I wouldn't be able to run up stairs that fast. How about him? He used to run track." _Amuno-san was once again trying to prove her innocence._

"How many stairways are there?" _The inspector man asked. The attendant who had now joined the group answered in a nervous manner._

"There's only one long stairway along this side here. There are doors on every floor in case of a problem like this where the elevators are out of commission." _It was then that it hit me. The culprit would've had to use the stairs. The very same stairs I had been walking down with Santimillion-san. We were the only ones using the stairs... which meant that the only one who could've... _

"Sir! Tapes came in, Kanmuri-san did indeed go to the vending machines, but it seems he met someone there. Either way, he was there for all but two minutes during which the crime could've been committed. It would be impossible for him to have been the culprit." _I felt myself getting dizzy. So... she... it wasn't possible. _

"The two foreign women came out of the stairway right when the lights came back on..." _It took seconds before the detective who had been recording information to come up to me._

"Gray-san... right? Did you see or hear anyone else on the stairway?" _Slowly, I shook my head._

"No... there was no one going up or down the stairs but us..." _He nodded and quickly left me to report to the inspector. Conan-kun suddenly appeared from out of the elevator. He caught my attention. I was waiting for him to give me a stern look, but instead he gave me a smirk. As if he had it all under control. As if he had figured it all out. As if I could rest easy._

_Suddenly he rushed off. I noticed him with Hattori-san, then shortly thereafter, Hattori-san spoke up._

"And what if the culprit didn't take the stairs?" _Everyone looked at him as if he were stupid. _"A former gymnast who could take a much faster route – the elevator shaft." _Amuno-san suddenly looked fearful. _

"Wh-What? No... didn't the person enter through the doors?" _Hattori-san and Conan-kun smirked simultaneously. Hattori-san held up a bagged piece of dark brown hair. _"This piece of hair has blood on it. I wonder if we ran it through a test what would come up. You know, the kicker is, we found this up on top of the elevator. I wonder how it got there?" _I felt hope fly back inside me. Amuno-san was clenching her teeth. _

"Ah-le-le? I bet what this police officer found is a part of some sort of electronic... It must've broken when you were climbing up!" _Conan-kun added in an overly-childish voice. I could feel tears begin to form in my eyes._

"If the doors didn't open until after the murder, the victim wouldn't have been able to see you in the pitch dark. Without a warning it would've been easy to cut his artery then make a quick escape. Luckily, Ami-san was right there, unconscious to take the blame as you set up a distraction then left." _Hattori-san continued, practically sealing the woman's fate._

"Why do you have to be so persistent? Why does everyone have to believe that woman? She's so pathetic! How do you think it felt? To be loved so much that he'd leave her for me... then just drop me so he can go back to her like I wasn't enough to keep him happy and she was. She's so weak and whiny. Why doesn't anyone believe me?" _She knew she had basically confessed, but she insisted on being angry, trying to blame Ami-san. It didn't take long for her to be led to a police car. _

"Thank you..." _I heard Ami-san's shaky voice and witnessed an honest smile on her face. Her younger sister silently bowed her head in thanks as they passed me. I nodded, even though they couldn't tell by then. I watched as Conan-kun came up to me and smirked, but something was soft about it._

"You're not that bad of a detective after all, Gray Helen." _He said, now grinning. I smiled back, tears escaping from my eyes. He seemed shocked, but I quickly turned away and wiped them from my face. He waited there for me to turn back to him._

"Let's go home."

**Oh? What's that? I didn't warn you that this chapter was excruciatingly long and confusing? Whoops. If you got nothing else out of this chapter, it's good for setting up this next chapter. I promise. Or rather, I hope..

**Roxifoxi – **Thank you so much! You're so sweet :) I hope you liked how this chapter played out. Yes! You scared me for a second! Hahaha, yes, I wrote Searching White Horse ;) Although, since Agasa came up with it, it changed from SWH's Elena Gray to Helen Gray. Thanks for all of your compliments, and I'm glad you liked Searching White Horse :D

**MiladyRose – **Yeah... I think you can see the complex confusion going on here... XD I hope this is helpful. If you need anymore explanation I will be happy to give it to you! Hope you enjoyed this chapter~

What did I do wrong? Two of you disappeared T.T Either way, I'm trying to end this fic on Chapter 15 so... yep.**


	12. Desperate Measures

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. I don't really wish I did, either.

Chapter 12 – Desperate Measures

_I released the handwritten letter, allowing it to slowly float to ground. I had wished myself..._

_I silently walked beside Mouri-san with bags under my eyes. I was tired. I think. I don't know. I couldn't stop thinking about the contents of the letter I had written to myself. Was it to myself?_

"Gray-chan? Are you listening?" _I blinked. Somehow, Suzuki-san had joined us. I felt bad, having ignored Mouri-san. She and I had been getting along well for the past few days. She had been guiding me through everything since I first arrived. _

_It was difficult to dodge her questions and suspicions when I had often excused myself to go take more pills to stay the same 'age'. I hadn't really had too many of those strange deja vus, at least. The pain was kept to a minimum by some rather strong pain pills along with constant ingestion of ANTI-APTX 4869 PROTOTYPE. I had convinced Conan-kun that I needed the whole bottle, but I was well through half of it by the time this morning. At this rate, I'd run out before the time limit._

"So you'll want to pay attention to the third section of the test, okay?" _I nodded. Part of me didn't give a flip that she was trying to help me. So what if I looked out for that kind of problem? I was a genius for goodness' sake. We walked in together for the fourth time this week. _

_Something was different. There was some sort of commotion going on. Instead of being bombarded by random guys attracted to me for multiple reasons or girls trying to be friends with the new girl or even people trying to catch some extra sleep before class started, they were all clustered toward the area of the room that contained... my desk. _

_I heard Mouri-san's breath stop. I looked over at her, realizing she hadn't been breathing normally. She was frozen, a mixture of delight and terror on her face. I had a thought nagging at the back of my head, but I pushed it away, choosing not to seek it out. What was going on?_

"Shinichi...?" _I heard her whisper under her breath, moving in slow motion toward the crowd. I noticed Suzuki-san actually leave her alone for a minute. Shinichi? Kudo-kun? Why?_

"Yo, Ran!" _I felt my own heart stop. That voice. It sent shivers down my spine... but not in a fearful way. It wasn't dangerous. It was... I couldn't explain it. Suddenly, I was being pushed forward and I found myself at my... rather, Kudo-kun's desk with him sitting in his seat and Mouri-san standing next to him, fighting tears while looking dangerously angry. _

"That's all you have to say?" _I saw her look around at everyone else, taking in the fact that she was surrounded by classmates. She swallowed her hurt. Before she could replace it with unbridled anger, someone spoke loudly from behind me._

"Kudo! This foreign hottie has been sitting in that very seat for almost a week! You must be the luckiest guy on the earth!" _I felt whatever pervert's hand on my shoulder as if presenting me. Before I could retort, Kudo-kun's eyes swept over me._

_My heart once again stopped for a moment. I had known the child was really about my age. I had known he was considered handsome and all... but this was too much. I found myself staring at him for too long and I had to look away in hopes of containing the heat I felt rising to my cheeks. Mouri-san was waiting for this person. I couldn't think thoughts like that. Plus, he was my enemy. I already had someone to love._

"**Hello. You must be the transfer student from America. I hope we can get to know each other." **_Ha. Ha. Ha. Really? I turned my nose up at him and turned away, hitting the pervert's hand off my shoulder in the process. We knew each other well enough. A few people reacted poorly to how I had brushed the famous Kudo Shinichi off, but a lot of people laughed and made comments about his luck being poor after all. _

* * *

_I stood at the back of the class, ignoring everyone's inquiries. There was no extra desk for me, and I wasn't about to ask Kudo-kun for his precious seat near Mouri-san. Both of them had quickly forgotten my existence. My existence. Forgotten. That's what I had wanted... but the thought made me hurt, knowing that I could only wish for my lost memories and forgotten identity. Even reading that letter, I hadn't remembered anything extra._

_I was pulled out of my thoughts as the teacher began talking. Everyone was sitting down. Everyone had a place. Except for me. Suddenly, an image of the children came through. They made me smile, and the reassurance Conan-kun had given me chased my fears away. But now, I was beginning to feel a struggle between what I thought I wanted and what I really wanted._

_I stood in the back for half a class until finally someone found a spare desk from who knows where. I sat alone, practically forgotten. Kudo-kun was called on a lot, possibly to make up for lost time. Mouri-san kept throwing longing glances his way. Notes were being passed around, and of course, I was left out. Many of them were directed at Kudo-kun and he would scribble an answer and send it back. _

_I sighed and let my mind drift, ignoring whatever the teacher was blabbing about. I felt like getting up, walking out, and talking with Ayumi-chan, Kojima-kun, and Tsuburaya-kun. Part of me knew that I could never do that again. Part of me knew that children could have nothing to do with someone like me – someone a part of a criminal organization._

"Gray-san, can you please come to the front?" _I could tell from the tone and the slight snicker coming from some random student that the words had to be repeated. I walked up to the front. The teacher handed me a piece of chalk. _"Kudo-kun." _I stared at the piece of chalk, then back to the teacher. _"Since you both seem to be too bored to pay attention in my class, I'd like you to solve the problem on your side of the board. The person to finish first can get out of an extra assignment." _I smirked. Kudo-kun did the same. _"And... Go!"

_So, Kudo-kun may be a famous detective. He might have a photographic memory (it didn't take long for me to notice). He might be completely and utterly confident at everything. He might be an evil genius. _

_But I'm a scientist. A genius, better with logic than this childish detective. Math had to be my forte, considering its importance in the field of science._

_And yes, I proved it. _

_I couldn't help but smirk and gloat openly at finishing the equation by the time he had written the first step of his. The glare he sent me amused me until I got to my seat. I felt the same feeling I had the first time I had proved my intelligence. _

"She's faster and smarter than Kudo-kun."

"She doesn't seem to show any mercy, either."

"People with that kind of intelligence are scary. No wonder she said not to try making friends with her. She thinks she's too good for us."

_I stared at my desk. The words were so very similar to those spoken in my … memory. I was failing myself. The tears that welled up in my eyes were violently pushed back. My stomach turned and I began to get dizzy._

* * *

"_Onee-chan..." I held onto the postcard, my fingers so tightly grasping it that it began to get crumpled. I stuffed it away into my jacket pocket as I lifted my face and pulled on a blank expression. I was mildly shorter than most of those I passed in the hallway. As I was walking, one of the taller girls I had recognized from class 'accidentally' ran into me. My books fell to the ground. I stood there, not even beginning to pick up my books. I waited for it._

"_**It's cute that you want a diploma from an American university and all, but can you go back to your own country? You're only fifteen, you don't belong in your senior year of college. You belong at home in a cutesy little Japanese school uniform talking with all your little friends. Oh? You don't know what those are? Those are people who care about you and actually want to help you out. You know, those types of people you don't have."** I just watched her, my face not revealing that I heard every word. **"Do you not understand English?"** She taunted me. I breathed in. Breathed out._

"_**You made me drop my books." **She grinned. _

"_**What about it? Can't you be polite to the people of this country?" **She walked off. I felt myself reach into my pocket and pull out the postcard. _

_'Do your best, Shiho! Love you, Akemi.' _

* * *

"Akemi..."_ I said aloud to myself, the name sweet to my ears. I noticed Kudo-kun shoot a glance my way, probably because of just how loud I had said my sister's name. The bell rang, and not to my surprise any longer, Mouri-san and everyone else in the room flocked to Kudo-kun. I took the chance to get out of the classroom. I could demand answers as to why he was there later. I didn't want to be here anymore. It wasn't fun. Mouri-san was completely concerned with him. She was so much like the angel, but of course, she couldn't be. She was waiting for him to return, after all._

_I walked down the hall, not knowing where to go. People were talking to each other, discussing classes and plans to eat. There was no peaceful place. Their voices got louder in my ears, reminding me of the ocean the angel had pushed me into. I continued walking, the scene before me becoming fuzzy. The voices were deafening. How many students were talking so loudly? I felt confused. _"Onee-chan. Akemi." _I tried the words on my lips again, softly. My sister. I knew she was important to me. But I still couldn't picture her face or hear her voice. This pained me._

_I felt light headed. I was breathing rapidly. Why did I feel like this? Vermouth's warning about my problems happening more often came back to my mind. Had I been too hasty in trying to please her?I hadn't heard from her in the past few days. I reached the doors and walked outside, half unaware of what I was doing. I found a place that was nice and quiet next to a tree near the corner of the fence surrounding the property. I reached the tree and leaned against it. I had the feeling that it would be moments until I lost consciousness. My breathing slowed, demanding that it would. I wanted my mind to be clear again. I didn't like this... I don't think I can... I felt my thoughts slip._

* * *

_I was here again. Coughing and grasping onto the rock, shivering. I was afraid to open my eyes. I felt weak._

"Shiho... why are you here again?" _I felt tears come to my eyes and I looked up, begging for the angel to be there. It was then that a wave of water hit me in the face and as I choked, the realization hit me._

"Akemi!" _It came out of my mouth in desperation. She pulled me up out of the water as I coughed. She smiled gently and put her arm around my shivering shoulders._

"So you've realized that? I'm glad." _I looked at her, taking her in again. She did look a lot like me now that I looked closer. This was my precious sister... the one who Kudo-kun allowed to die. He could save Ami-san but he couldn't save my sister? But then again... was he the only one who let her die?_

_She reached over and gently cupped my cheek. _"Shiho, didn't you say it yourself?" _I trembled. She looked a bit hurt, but stroked my face gently. _"You know you can't stay here." _She sounded a bit like a mother, gently admonishing her child. This time she just took her hands from me and another wave washed over the rock. She didn't move, but I fell, once again unable to move. I wasn't drowning for long until..._

"Haibara!" _I heard a voice whispering urgently. I was being shaken. _"Haibara, you need to wake up! You can't die on me." _I took in a deep breath and opened my eyes. Instead of Conan-kun, I saw Kudo-kun. Why was I back here? I wanted to be with my sister... _"Haibara?" _It took me a moment to realize that I was crying._

"Why?" _He was looking at me, wide-eyed. He had no idea what I was talking about. He seemed to be hiding from those interested in his reappearance as he constantly looked around. I continued, not caring anymore. _"Why can't I be with my sister?" _I noticed something flicker in his eyes and he grabbed my shoulders._

"Haibara. You can't be with her because you're needed here. Don't say foolish things about wanting to die." _I looked away. It wasn't like he cared. _"This is the second time I've had to wake you up because you were passed out and not breathing. I know the first time was because... But you passed out this time without having suffered any intense injuries. Give me the APTX antidote back. This is dangerous." _Why did he have to be the one to find me? I couldn't let him take it from me. I had to bring him... I... He was getting up, and he held out his hand as if he expected me to give him the pills now._

"It's not like you care. And why the heck did you use it, anyway? It's dangerous for you, too. You just randomly appear as Kudo Shinichi." _He frowned and grabbed my arm, pulling me up. I stumbled and my back hit the tree. It reminded me of my greeting from Gin and I shuddered._

"I do care. Do you not understand that? I do care about you and your scaring me. You're not acting like yourself. You seem sick." _At that moment, he put his hand to his forehead and a hand to mine. I couldn't help the blush that appeared on my face. Before I could think of something to yell at him, he removed his hand. _"You have a fever. Just go home, Haibara. I'll take care of your disappearance as Gray Helen." _He was reassuring me again. A very large part of me wanted to trust him. To just go along with it. I was two seconds from complying when Vermouth's face came to mind. Gin and Vermouth were waiting on me. _

_I had to do this. I'm sorry, Mouri-san._

_I reached out and grabbed his wrist._

"Go on a date with me."

* * *

**Oh wow. I haven't written her that bold in awhi- oh yeah, last chapter she was yelling at people. Never mind~ So, why did I skip stuff? Because I feel like leaving you out a bit. With her first person view it makes it hard for me to keep you in suspense. So she knows something that she's not going to reveal~ For a little bit, at least. Three more chapters. If I make it to three.. maybe two? Hope to see you all until the very end.

**Lion799 – **Thank you so much! The 'new Haibara' has an unfortunate probability of turning back into the normal, old Haibara. XDD Gin is very convincing, apparently o.o Tell me what you think about this chapter, please~!

**Roxifoxi – **As always, thank you for reviewing! Thank you for saying all that :) It's very kind of you! I hope you liked this chapter ;)

**MewShiny – **It's okay~ Thanks :3 Ohh! Was vacation fun? Yay, my first written case and so far the response has been good XDD Let me know what you thought of this chapter!

All of you all who disappeared... You're missing out! Well... Probably not too badly... but I'm trying to make you feel like you should review. Because if you review your user gets to show up here at the bottom... Yeah.**


	13. Jealousy

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. If I did, this chapter wouldn't be so lame.

Chapter 13 - Jealousy

"What?" _I swallowed. We were both frozen. He only stared at me, half turned to leave, half turned toward me since I had caught his wrist. I didn't know if I had the courage to say the absurd words again. This would be it. The end to all my nightmares. Or at least most of them. I swallowed again, clearing my throat. _

"I won't give you back the antidote prototype until you take me on a date tomorrow afternoon." _I kept my voice steady. I had to get him to go. He was already in his older form. It wouldn't make sense for me to convince him to put himself in danger again after it wore off. My chance was now or never. He looked extremely shocked, which was completely expected. I could only hope that he wouldn't ask me why I would take such action. He stopped his slight resistance to my hand around his wrist and turned all the way toward me. _

"Haibara…" _I couldn't take the intensity of his stare and I looked away, blushing. I let go of his wrist. I suddenly didn't think it was worth it. _"Are you sure? You'd just hand it over and promise to take some days off for rest if I… went on… a date with you?" _He was hesitating. But he was agreeing to it. I nodded, unable to bring myself to speak. I could've sworn I saw a smile appear on his face. _"Alright, it's a date then."

* * *

_I avoided Kudo-kun and Mouri-san for the rest of the day. It was almost as if nothing had happened between Kudo-kun and me. He was getting along with Mouri-san rather closely. I figured the date was just a way to get me to do what he wanted. That was fine. The date was for me to get him to do what I wanted, too, after all._

_Now the problem was getting ahold of Vermouth or Gin. After school, I quickly slipped out before anyone could stop me. I looked around at the last place Vermouth had kidnapped me. I didn't see any cars, but I did notice a motorcycle. I spotted her standing against the light pole, drinking some sort of coffee. I walked right up to her. _

"Tomorrow afternoon. Where do we go?" _She seemed surprised. It may have been the fact that I just showed up and with no pretense demanded her to change plans. It also may have been the fact that I wanted to speed up the process. Either way, she smirked. _

"The park down the road from your current residence will be just fine. Midnight." _She swiftly turned away, threw the coffee cup in a nearby trash can, and got on her motorcycle. In moments, she was gone. _

* * *

_My trip to the clothing store was the hardest I've ever experienced. The first time around I was very sure about what I wanted. I knew what looked good. But these were clothes for a date. These were the clothes I would be wearing to send someone to the other world. _

_After long deliberation, I decided on a floral print dress that was three inches from hitting my knees. I paired it with a light gray sweater and black leggings and white pumps. I placed a flower clip in my hair and looked in the mirror. I felt nervous. I had a sneaky feeling that the nervousness wasn't entirely about the end of our date… but instead about…_

_My thoughts were interrupted by the knock at the door. I hesitated and looked at my light application of make-up. Maybe it was too much. Maybe dressing up this much was… The knock came again, this time louder. I gave up and just walked over and opened the door. I turned away, not even greeting him and walked back inside, attempting to escape and wipe off the make-up and change into some plainer clothes._

"Ha…" _I froze. Ha? Was he… laughing at me? I turned toward him, my face beginning to twist in anger. I was shocked to see his face. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was drooling with his mouth gaping wide open. There was a faint redness to his cheeks and he was standing right outside the door with a rose in his hand, now seemingly forgotten as it was moments from slipping from his loose fingers. He was wearing a black suit, a nice upgrade from the Teitan uniform he was wearing earlier in the day. I felt warmth on my cheeks and knew I had to stop it now._

"Ha? You're the one with your jaw hitting the floor. Is there something you'd like to say?" _He shut his mouth. It was probably a wise reaction to my rising anger. He slowly stepped inside the house and shut the door behind him._

"Ha…ibara. You…" _He finally got his composure mostly together. _"You… I mean, are you ready?" _I grabbed my small purse and braved facing him._

"Of course I am." _I walked right over to him, and then past him. _

"This… This is for you." _He held out the rose to me. Again, I froze. Why was I so emotional over this? My mind went back to the letter. I drew in a breath and took the rose, averting my gaze. _

"I guess I'll need to leave this here in some water." _Kudo-kun nodded and patiently waited as I filled a glass with water and placed the rose in it. I then quickly turned back and opened the door and walked out. He followed me and shut the door. I was doing my best not to be awkward, but I knew I had already failed at that. I turned to Kudo-kun, trying to calm my breathing. _"So? Where are we going?" _He smiled._

"You'll see. Just come with me." _We began walking silently side by side. I kept stealing glances at him despite myself. I wasn't the only one, though. I caught him more than a few times. I looked at my watch as subtly as I could. I'd have to try not being painfully uninterested or awkward. If I made this unpleasant he would want to leave quickly and I needed him for quite a few hours. _

_In order to achieve this… I would have to attempt to enjoy my time with him. I knew there was a part of me that already was. However, there was a great part of me that was absolutely against this. Point one: he was my enemy. Point two: I was about to bring him to his demise. Point three: I was in a sense hurting Mouri-san. Point four: I already had someone who loved me and who I loved._

_The letter came back to my mind again. I was desperately pleading with my lost memory-self. To be freed from my constant fear that I apparently had. To stop being so paranoid, and instead just needfully cautious. To have hope and to enjoy life without being held back. To fight. To speak up. To investigate instead of run away. To find the truth without bias. _

_I didn't understand the entire letter. I had been vague when I wrote it, and I sounded very wishful and entirely sad. There were no definite details. There were no instructions. Wasn't that the point, though? So I would leave my old misconceptions and enjoy life without the chains of yesterday. My old self even noted that I would probably end up remembering some things… if not everything. But apparently there was a hope that somehow I would change from the state I was at. That the change that would hopefully occur would be enough to overcome the past._

_So for right now, I would enjoy my time with my enemy. I would forget for a few hours that it wasn't okay. That I would bear the consequences of my actions. I decided that I would let this small part of me that seemed to have control of my reactions and emotions to take complete control._

_I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. I looked at him as he stole a glance at me. I refused to look away and braved through it. I smiled. He was now openly looking at me, shock evident on his face. It took him a moment, but he smiled back. It was a bit of an arrogant smile, but it made me feel at ease. He took my hand. I let him._

* * *

_We ended up walking to a café and having a quiet and pleasant meal. He sarcastically apologized for not taking me to the most expensive place in town, to which I pretended I was disappointed for a few moments. After we made a trip to an ice cream store and a movie, we were walking down the street. It was surprisingly busy in Beika this time of night, probably because of others like us. The dark street was lit by bright street lamps. Once again, he was holding my hand. _

_He stopped and faced me. There was a gentle smile on his face and a light blush on his cheeks. _"Haibara… I'm glad we got to go out on a date together. I don't think I've seen you smile this many times the entire time I've known you." _I smiled at his words, giving up on hiding behind cold responses. He let go of my hand as he scratched his neck nervously. _"And you see… Haibara… I've been thinking recently…" _Thinking about what? I felt his nervousness spread to me like a disease. _"I-"

_Loud beeping from my watch interrupted him. We had five minutes until we had to be at the park to meet Vermouth and… Gin. I felt my stomach drop. What was I doing? He was my enemy. I had… This was all just a trick on both of our ends. I stopped the beeping from my watch. He looked away, feeling awkward from almost saying whatever he was going to. I reached out and grabbed his hand._

"I want to go to the park." _He seemed surprised by my continued forwardness, but he complied and in moments we were walking to the park. I tried not to walk so quickly, but I still was practically dragging him along. _

"Is something wrong?" _He asked, noticing my sudden discomfort and the speed at which I was walking. I shook my head. _

"I just really wanted to go to the park with you and I need to be home before one in the morning." _He nodded. We reached the park and my heart was pounding, my hands sweating. He still seemed calm. I looked up at the stars, hoping that somehow there would be a meteor coming to strike the earth and I wouldn't have to do this. _

_I heard Kudo-kun clear his throat. I wondered if he was going to continue his words from earlier. I turned to look at him, only to see him get hit violently from behind. I couldn't contain the scream of surprise from my lips. Our hands separated as he fell. In a moment, Gin was holding me roughly from behind. I saw Kudo-kun, still conscious, looking up at Gin and me. My heart was pounding and my head began to hurt. I felt unsteady despite being in the arms of a rather strong man. I saw blond hair behind Kudo-kun. Vermouth pulled him to a stand._

"Don't try anything." _She hissed to him. His face was full of fear and shock. Gin was breathing heavily. I could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly._

"Did you think you could touch my girl, punk?" _He spat coldly at Kudo-kun, who was attempting to pull himself together. Apparently he was failing at it._

"The heck are you talking about? What do you want? Get your hands off of her you sick jerk." _Kudo-kun retorted, rage in his eyes. I noticed him shoot Vermouth a glare as well. Gin's grip on me tightened. He lowered his lips to my ear and spoke with words that made me shiver._

"And you… why would you cheat on me?" _I swallowed, unable to take the intense pressure. And that's when it hit me._

_I had it all wrong._

* * *

**Ahhh… I'm sorry all of you. Sorry. But please bring yourself to review, please? Because it's almost done. The end is very close. And I'd be terribly sad if you all deserted me because of poorly-written fluff.

**Kaitoukidsama – **Thank you! I'm so glad to see you back again! Let me know what you think about this chapter, please!

**Roxifoxi** – Yay! I'm so glad you're not leaving me XD Hope the internet keeps working! What do you think of this chapter?

**Gosho A. daughter – **Thank you :) I actually have written a story with Haibara and Saguru. If you look at my profile, you'll find Searching White Horse, which is my SaguruxShiho fic. :)

**MewShiny – **Hahahaha yes, she did~ No, you didn't miss anything. There's a few things purposefully missing to mess with everyone's heads! After all, it gets boring when you know everything she knows, doesn't it? Either way, let me know what you thought of this chapter!

**MiladyRose – **Yay for dreams coming true XD Yes it's out of Haibara's character, but what about this Haibara, this Helen Gray? She's not meant to be the same, and plus, she's desperate to get her mission done. It's okay… just review this one in its place ;P

Alright! About two more chapters and we're done. Hope you all stay for the end.**


	14. Where Loyalty Lies

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. I … have no comment to add this time around.

Chapter 14 – Where Loyalty Lies

"_I refuse." I was shaking. I had never defied them. I never could. But today, it didn't matter anymore. She was gone. They had killed her. She would never return. Her smiling face would never be seen by these eyes. Her laugh. Her comforting words. I refused. I would not work anymore. I would not lift a finger until they told me why. They refused as well. So instead I found myself in front of Gin, the man who had betrayed me. His eyes were colder than usual. The sick sense of affection was missing. He seemed to have given up on our 'relationship' that had been strangled to death by his overprotective and controlling personality. He killed her. He killed my only hope in this world. _

"_You know this will get you nowhere, Sherry. You're an intelligent person. Something I liked about you. Unfortunately, you don't seem to be a very loyal one." His cold grip tightened as he roughly pushed me forward. I didn't resist. I wanted to die. I was waiting to meet my sister, even if it was in passing as I fell to the middle of the earth and she stayed in the sky. Gin grabbed my wrist and pulled it outwards, allowing Vodka to handcuff me. I was stuck here. I was going to die. When they left the room I pulled the pill from the inside of my pocket. I looked at it. _

_A part of me despised it. It was what I did with my life here instead of taking my sister's kind advice on getting a boyfriend. But I did have a boyfriend. One that was only a boy and hardly a friend. I figured this event finally made it real in his head that we were through. Not that it mattered. Another part of me was comforted by it. I would die now, free from whatever torture I would receive first. The research my dead parents left to me. I inherited something from them, something that they spent much of their lives on. _

_I put it in my mouth. I swallowed._

* * *

_I shuddered violently in Gin's arms. He tightened his grip even more, surely about to leave bruises. _"I knew you were an unfaithful woman. But you had come back to me. Was it to deceive me? This is the man that helped you?" _I couldn't breathe. I hadn't taken any pills for almost eight hours by now. Of course, this was a passing thought. It didn't matter now. I was as good as dead. So was he… Kudo-kun. _

"Ha, Gin. You were deceived, but only because you didn't believe in me." _His arm was now pressed against my throat. I closed my eyes. I couldn't see Kudo-kun anymore. I couldn't do this with him watching. He wasn't supposed to know about this part of me. The part that loved a cold-blooded killer. The part of me who was a cold-blooded killer. I wished I had made some sort of plan with him. I wished I had remembered sooner. The sudden memories pouring into my head caused it to cloud my mind. It hurt. I didn't feel right. I felt like I was drowning, just like in that ocean. But there was no Akemi to save me. Not even Kudo-kun, who had much too often come to my rescue would be able to weasel his way out of this one. Of course, I had planned it that way. It was the perfect set up. There would be no tranquilizing or soccer ball kicking. There would be no living._

"You think this is funny, Sherry? To deceive me?" _I felt the oxygen being deprived from my brain. I forced my lips apart._

"Let me show you, Gin. My loyalty." _I heard him snort, but his arm stopped pressing against my neck and oxygen made its way to my brain again. I calmed myself down, trying to dig reality past all the random images and words and thoughts and feelings. He released me. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, a sinister smirk appearing on my face. _

"Give me your gun." _I held out my hand. My confidence… my actions as if I were my old self seemed to surprise him and he returned a dark smirk. He handed me his gun, obviously curious. That was his downfall, really. He was cautious, but he always had a need to be entertained. He went after what was interesting. What was more interesting than me, the traitor Sherry, demanding a gun from him and telling him about my loyalty? I took it in my hand and just like the professional I was, I turned to Kudo-kun and aimed. _

_He was afraid. He was looking at me as if I were the devil himself. I guess that wasn't too far from the truth. I had just lured him here. I messed with his feelings. And now I was steadily and confidently aiming a gun right at him. I don't know how he felt. He looked defeated. I knew that he was probably trying to figure out some way out. We hadn't collaborated. He couldn't read me now. He saw me as the enemy. _

_I clicked back the hammer and put my finger gently on the trigger. I took in a breath. I calmed myself. And I spun. Within two seconds, Gin had a bullet through his leg. I moved quickly to the side as he winced and lunged for me. Another quick aim and fire and I hit his spinal cord. He collapsed. Even Gin wouldn't be able to move for a while after a paralyzing injury. _

_A swift kick met my side and I flew to the ground, scraping my arm as I attempted in the milliseconds before I hit the ground to break my fall. Vermouth was standing above me and kicked me in the stomach. I curled in on myself, trying to prevent her from any real damage. I noticed Kudo-kun on the ground, but I couldn't see what had happened to him. He was too far away and all I could see were his legs. Was he hurt?_

_Another kick met my legs. I glared up at the woman and tried to roll away, but instead got a close encounter with a bullet. The power of its path opened a small cut on my cheek. I winced. She smirked, a dark expression on her face._

"Did you think that enduring a little bit of pain for my sake would cure it all? All the things that you and your parents did to me? Do you think that something so simple could erase your sins?" _She hissed, and her heel came in contact with my face. In moments, Kudo-kun had somehow gotten up and struck Vermouth in the side in an attempt to bring her down. Instead, she countered and gave him a swift kick to the leg. By the look on his face, it must've hurt terribly. _

_I suddenly couldn't breathe again. My head hurt even more than it had been and the clarity I had temporarily gained in order to bring Gin down was nowhere to be found. Intense pain tore through my body. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I gave up and kept my eyes on Kudo-kun as he engaged in a losing battle with Vermouth. As my vision began to get worse, I could swear I saw a dark-skinned young man with a training katana come out of nowhere and strike Vermouth. She fell to the ground and the effort of both teens kept her down. _

_I heard sirens wailing. At first, they were distant. They progressively got louder and Vermouth squirmed more. I heard something nearby and I found myself looking down the end of the barrel of a gun. My breath stopped. _

"You… would never go down… without a fight. I liked that… about you." _His breathing was labored. I looked at him in disbelief. There was no way he was still able to move. Was I hallucinating? Maybe I missed somehow. A part of me knew that Organization members were very much inhuman. I wasn't sure if that was a good reason for him to be able to point a gun at me after having been brought to the brink of permanent paralysis. _

_I managed a half-smirk. I was shaking. It was hot. Yet so very cold. I forced my mouth open once again. _"I liked… that about you… too." _I let out a bit of a snort, amused that we held something in common. He was most likely taking my intelligence in consideration now, since for the longest time the only way I fought was through small things I countered with my intelligence. Today was one of the only times I ever fully fought to the end. _

"It's too bad… Sherry. That we had to end this way." _His breath stirred the dirt on the ground as his shaking hand aimed the gun square in my face. If I died here, Kudo-kun and the children would be free from the constant threat of the Black Organization. Gin wasn't the only one who wanted the traitor dead and there was bound to be another person after me. _

_I remembered how I cried when I wrote the letter to myself. How I had carefully written it, slowly. Deliberately. A cry of desperation. A dream of a better future. The wish to be able to be honest with those around me. To be able to know that I was living, breathing. I wanted so badly to be free of myself. The things I had held onto that held me back from ever being truly free. I just wanted a second chance. I just wanted to be able to make my sister proud. To show those that had oppressed me that I was alive and well and I would no longer simply exist but live. _

_If I died here… my cry was in vain. _

_His finger began to tremble as he pulled the trigger back. With all the will that I had left in my body and every ounce of strength left granted to me, I twisted and moved the upper half of my body just before the bullet went through my head. My hand, at the same time, hit the gun from his hand. The bullet, however, grazed my leg and I felt it open a wound. _

_The sirens were loud. I heard voices. People's footsteps as they ran in our direction. Lights piercing through the darkness and revealing the terrible scene. I took in a shaky, shallow breath. I watched with poor vision as the police took Vermouth and Gin. I saw the young man in his black suit come toward me, his friend following close behind. Kudo-kun finally reached me._

"Haibara, are you alright? You almost gave me a heart attack." _I smiled weakly. I felt the sensation of life draining from me. Had I done well? I don't know. I was still dying. I could feel it. I took in a few shaky breaths and attempted an answer, but my lips refused to comply. I could see the concern etched on his face. Even Hattori-san looked like he was upset. How silly of them both. I noticed him check my injuries. It didn't take him long to determine that they weren't fatal. I watched as he mentally pieced together everything. _"Haibara… just how many of those antidotes did you take?" _I suddenly felt amused._

"I… knew. That it… was dangerous. Kudo…-kun. See?" _I managed the words, breaking to breathe in between my sentences. He looked furious. _

"Haibara, this isn't funny! Hattori, hurry up and get the paramedics over here. How many did you take, Haibara?" _He didn't seem to want any humor or sarcasm from me._

"Half the bottle. The… pain killers… may not… have been helpful… to my kidneys… either." _I could see the panic increasing on his face. I think I gave up on panicking by now. It was hard enough to breathe. I began to feel numbness in my legs. I wondered what that meant. Was it good or bad? It felt like there was a weight on my chest. _

_My eyes closed. I heard the muffled voice of Kudo Shinichi as he urgently gave the paramedics instruction. He was telling them about my injuries and about having ingested poison and other such things. I heard him repeat it. I was being lifted up. _

_He began to repeat it the third time when I could no longer hear him._

* * *

**Two chapters in one day? Oh, but you see, the next and final chapter comes out today too! Probably. I think. So thanks for those of you who reviewed quickly to this, because you get to have your names mentioned in this chapter! Those of you who did not get to see it that quickly are totally free to still review every chapter and especially the final one, because that's usually when people spill their thoughts about the whole thing.

**Roxifoxi – **You're always so quick to review! It makes me happy ~ And it was titled Jealousy because Gin was jealous of Shinichi and how he was close to Sherry. Tell me what you think about this chapter!

**Gosho A. Daughter – **Thank you so much~! You're welcome! If you read it, you should let me know your thoughts on it :) What did you think about this chapter?

Alright, my final goodbye (thankfully, not The Final Sayonara XD) is going to happen next chapter! Hope to hear from all of you!**


	15. Hope

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. I forgot what wit is, so I gave up.

Chapter 15 - Hope

"Why are you here?" _Her voice was like music to my ears. I pulled myself up this time, ignoring her stare. I looked up and smiled at her, my hair sticking to my face. _

"I can be here with you, forever, onee-chan." _The words felt empty when they left my mouth and I felt a bit uncertain. It was true, though. I could spend forever here with my beloved sister. I would have hope in the world again._

_But did I not have hope at all without her? She was looking at me now, saddened. She seemed to be on the verge of tears._

"Shiho. You know I love you very much. You're my dear little sister and I would do anything for you. As much as I would love to spend forever with you right here on this rock… You don't want to." _I felt hurt at her words. What was she saying? Of course I did! I loved my sister and now I could be with her forever! She shook her head as if reading my mind once again. I didn't let her speak._

"I do want to be here with you, onee-chan. Why do you think I'm lying?" _Once again, she gently took my face in her hand. _

"I think that you'll find that there is a very good reason for living now. Whether or not you two end up together… there's still hope, right?" _Her smile lit up her face, despite the tears threatening to fall. I felt comfort in her words somehow. But I didn't want to leave her smiling face. She pointed at the churning water. _"Shiho, I'll let you decide this time. No one can bring you into those waters anymore. It's your choice. But just between you and me, I want to know what your little boyfriend was trying to say earlier." _She gave me a mischievous grin. I laughed. _

"He's not my boyfriend, onee-chan. Far from it. But… so do I." _We both shared a grin and I looked down at the waters. They were my ticket back to life. But I was afraid. It was so overwhelming under there and I often was drowning. I hugged my sister and gave her a kiss on the cheek. _"I love you, onee-chan. Thank you, for everything." _She smiled gently at me and I forced myself to jump in. The voices flooded me and I suddenly wanted to swim back up. But there was still a hope for me. I was improving. I was overcoming my fears. I let my eyes close as I fell deeper. _

* * *

_My eyes opened slowly. A boy with jet black hair and bright blue eyes was sitting there, staring at me from behind some ridiculous glasses. Next to him was a teenage girl with a strange hairdo. She had fallen asleep next to the boy. I noticed that I was on breathing support, but I wasn't in a hospital room. The boy watched me intently. I took the breathing support from my face. With wide, innocent eyes, I looked directly at him._

"Who are you?"_ I saw panic rise to his face. Then something akin to disappointment, even sorrow. He didn't seem to have the courage to answer me as I noticed his lips move without sound. I looked from the boy trying to gather his words to a single rose in a glass of water next to my bed. A smile covered my face. I looked back at him. _"Could you be… the hope I have in this world?"_ He stared at me. I smirked and he frowned._

"It's not funny to mess with me like that, Haibara. I seriously thought you lost your memory again. I also thought you were going to die."_ I looked away. His words were sincere. I could tell he had been worried about me. I heard it in his voice as I had first lost consciousness after dodging death by Gin. A smirk appeared once again on my face._

"You also thought you were going to die, didn't you~" _Here, he gave me a death glare. I was completely immune, considering my death glares actually brought people on the brink of certain death. _

"The way you looked… and how you pointed the gun at me… For a moment, I thought I might. Just for a moment. But your face gave it away. You kept staring at me, and then your scary expression turned really sad- and what am I talking about. Stop making fun of me and get some rest. You're going to have fun explaining about your disappearance, Haibara." _He turned away, trying to hide the expression on his face as he was recounting what had happened. I don't know if I'll ever tell him everything, like how I had collapsed more than twice, or how I had fooled him into thinking that I regained my memory or how I had thought that it'd be nice to ditch him and be dead. Or that I thought it would be nice if our little date was more than what it was. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep in a dream world that contained happy people in safe places._

* * *

_I sat in my seat. I watched in silence as the second grade class of Teitan Elementary scrambled around, sharing their art masterpieces with everyone around them. Most of them were borderline scribbles, but we did have a few talented children in the class. I breathed in. Breathed out. The smell of crayons and paper and desk sanitizer was somehow comforting. I had wished to be here with them, the precious children who I had cared so much for. Ayumi-chan was so delighted to see me back in school after my random 'vacation'. The boys were as well, for whatever reason. I could only hope that their childish crushes on me would go away. _

_The boy who had been with me through the entire thing, even when I thought he was the enemy and treated him like it, sat next to me. He was looking dejectedly at his coloring, which was actually disturbingly second-grade level. I smirked._

"Conan-kun, you and Ayumi-chan seem to have very good skills. I bet you'll both be competing for the best out of the elementary." _He sent me a glare. Of course, it took him a moment to catch all of what I said. He looked dumbfounded and studied my face. I wondered if he was checking for any signs of illness._

"Did you just… call me Conan-kun?" _I grinned turned toward my desk, putting my chin on my folded hands. My eyes watched him._

"Who knows~." _I said in a singsong voice, the same one I always used to say 'just kidding' when I meant something. However, the ever-eves-dropping Tsuburaya-kun suddenly inserted himself into the conversation._

"Ah! Haibara-san did! She just called you Conan-kun! I heard her!"_ I smiled and looked up at the ceiling innocently as Tsuburaya-kun and Kojima-kun (who joined from the commotion the former made) tore into Conan-kun about it. Apparently my actions were his fault just the same as his own. How I loved the children._

* * *

_Later on, we walked in a group to Agasa-hakase's house. They had been dying to visit ever since I had first become 'Helen Gray' and he had told them that he was sick and they couldn't come over because they'd catch the flu. Kojima-kun was singing about cakes and eels while Tsuburaya-kun and Ayumi-chan were attempting to get him to be more polite. Of course, they, too, were wishing for some nice treats and perhaps an adventure._

_Conan-kun and I hung back like we always used to. He kept stealing glances at me and I couldn't help but smile, remembering the night we went on a date. _

"So… was it a mistake?" _He asked me out of the blue, his voice hushed in fear that the Detective Boys would overhear with their uncanny sense of butting in on important private conversations. I blinked. _

"What? Thinking about killing you?" _He choked._

"Wait, you actually thought about killing me? Even though… You thought about killing me?" _I smirked and looked away innocently. He continued to look at me incredulously, half enraged. _"So how long have you pondered killing me? I always thought we were partners…"_ I looked over, curious now. He was… moping? Was he seriously whining about me thinking about killing him? Then it occurred to me that he was still under the impression that I had known everything and all the time we spent together was just a time I thought of killing him. Was that such a lie? I snickered to myself. He would be too hurt by that comment._

_I sighed and decided to give him a break. _"Well, I didn't have my memory back until Gin and Vermouth decided it was time to get rid of the problem they've been having. So I was convinced that you were the enemy… and to get back to my good, happy, murderous life, I would have to kill you."_ I said it in a light, airy, matter-of-fact voice. I knew from the look he gave me that he was sincerely disturbed. We walked in silence for a little while longer until he sighed, giving me a half-hearted glare. _

"Anyway, back to what I actually meant. Was it a mistake? You calling me… Conan-kun." _I raised an eyebrow. He was hesitating, just like when I had asked him to go on a date with me. For lack of a better word, it was… cute. I smirked. He glared. _

"Of course."_ His shoulders drooped a bit. _"It wasn't."_ I finished, amused. He did a double take and I grinned. I guess it was strange for me. I had been thinking of him as "Conan-kun" because of what everyone else called him. But now, I felt a little braver. What was wrong with being a little forward? I liked him. I already made it pretty clear by requesting a date. What good would it do to lie and pretend and try to keep myself from hurting? Maybe it would hurt. Maybe he would reject me and go back to being Kudo Shinichi, the high school detective in love with Mouri Ran. _

_It didn't matter. I was his partner, a place that she couldn't take. I'd worry about the rest some other day. _

"Ai-chan." _His voice pulled me out of my thoughts and it was my turn to stare. _

"What?" _He looked at me, a bold attitude towards me._

"If you call me Conan-kun, then I get to call you Ai-chan." _I paused and stared in disbelief. Why would he do that? I was just his partner, like Hattori-san. Maybe he was just messing with me back. I didn't reply, but as usual, the sharp ears of the Detective Boys didn't fail them._

"Does that mean we get to call you Ai-chan, too?" _Tsuburaya-kun asked, hope in his voice. I gave him a flat stare._

"Absolutely not." _I only felt mildly bad for crushing the kid's hopes, but Ayumi-chan was definitely a better choice than a woman ten years older than him. I walked past the group that was staring at me and to the door. _

"Hakase! The kids are here!" _They quickly gave up the matter and rushed past me into the house. Mixed yells were heard, many of them pleas for something good to eat. I smiled as I watched the familiar scene unfold. This was the life that was worth living. One here, with those that cared about me. One with me deciding to quit hiding away. One where I lived instead of existed. Where my purpose was more than a drug._

* * *

_At night, I climbed into my bed, exhausted from the day's events. The children had dragged us all over town on Hakase's tab. I looked over at my nightstand and smiled. The rose was still there, sitting in the glass. I poked at it gently, watching it spin as it lost its balance. It stopped as the bottom of the stem found a place to wedge itself. _

_I was his partner. But maybe I had a little bit of a place somewhere else in his heart._

* * *

** All the fluff in this chapter could stuff a thousand stuffed animals. I know I'm not the greatest at writing happy endings or making happy… anythings. But I figured as my last fic, my favorite story that I've written so far, I'd give her some wings so she could fly. Does that make sense? Probably not… I hope you all enjoyed and I am looking forward to reading your reviews. If you want me to send you a response to your review that you write, please let me know in your review specifically. It's time for me to go now. I'm very thankful for all the encouragement you all gave me and the motivation to write and finally complete something. I hope you didn't cringe too much at the end XD

**Kaitoukidsama – **Thank you and thank you! I'm glad it got the proper affect. I apologize for the all-fluff chapter here XD I really hoped that you liked it anyway :) Let me know your thoughts on this chapter and the whole story in general!

**xVermouthx – **Thank you! Yes, I noticed that Vermouth probably needed some more awesome, but I had a feeling if I attempted in making her be awesome I'd make her look even more lame. So I left the struggle between Shinichi, Heiji, and Vermouth up to your imagination XD Thank you so much! I hope that you liked this chapter too, despite it being so fluffy it could suffocate people… XD

I love you all and thank you so much for spending your time reading and reviewing this story. Your encouragement was very much appreciated! This was my final message to you all. I will no longer be writing fanfiction nor reading it, but for a little bit I will respond to people's reviews should they request it.

Bye-bye!**


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